


Back @ Square One (BEN Drowned)

by skyesu_arts



Category: BEN Drowned, Creepypasta - Fandom, Jadusable
Genre: Action, Angst, Creepypasta, Fluff, Gore, Horror, LGBT, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Nonbinary Character, Original Characters - Freeform, Other, ben drowned - Freeform, majoras mask - Freeform, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 31
Words: 43,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyesu_arts/pseuds/skyesu_arts
Summary: At this point, everyone is sick of Ben Lawman. His mind games, his image, and all electricity-related deaths included have gotten old, and the public isn't quite as interested anymore. To them, he's passable, predictable, even, ever since the relapse of his old cartridge back in 2011.A refresher for Ben arrives in the form of a mortal who just so happened to a) purchase his game out of desperation, and b) be almost as annoying, disliked, and just as much of a smartass as he is. But can he trust Avery Valentin to help, or even understand him?[Credit to Alex Hall/Jadusable for original creepypasta]





	1. Chapter 1

_Claws and chains strewn around._  
_What is lost will not be found._  
_Sinking to a final breath_ _  
Only hope to see your death_.

I remember having a weird dream before I jumped and checked my alarm. 4:00 in the morning. The usual. I groan to myself and sit up in bed, eyes still groggy and trying to stay open.

This would be the time to reminisce, but I'm not in the mood for that right now. Hastily looking around for something to take my mind off what must have been some kind of drug trip, I grab my laptop and sigh in relief upon seeing it's still at 70%.

I instantly boot up iTunes and put on some generic alternative rock band to soothe myself. It's one I don't exactly recognize but can still appreciate. Besides, I'm too lazy to skip anything at this point.

My weird fever dream slowly comes back to me in chunks as I check my social media. I find myself staring blankly at the screen for about 30 seconds before snapping out of it.

 _Monsters, monsters, everywhere._ _  
_ _You'll soon find yourself in his lair._

I scroll through my feed and chuckle to myself. There's some humanitarian blog who reposted an article about yet another school shooting. Unfazed, I go further down to the rest of the new content. Someone's selling keychains of some cute cartoon characters, and I feel myself give out to a tiny smile.

Maybe I'll buy one. Just one.

_Oh. Here's something interesting._

Some sixpence-esque account posted a new story about what could be lurking in your fridge, or behind your TV, or whatever, I didn't look at the details. I tell myself I'll read it later, and then laugh to myself. _That's such a huge fucking lie._

 _Play with me, play with me._ _  
_ _Or be trapped for eternity._

I still save it anyway. It could be something to look at in the middle of the night when I'm actually in the mood to scare myself shitless.

_Haunted Majora's Mask ARG continued!_

I furrow my eyebrows at what might be the stupidest title I've ever seen. I've played _Majora's Mask_ a couple times in my childhood, mostly because my friends told me it was a type of scary-fun. It probably should have put me in an existential crisis, but I guess kids just don't really have that much of a grip on things yet.

 _A broken heart, a long-lost life._ _  
_ _Why prevent this world from strife?_

But anyway, I'd heard of a _haunted_ copy of the game a couple years back. Intrigued, I read the story and immediately called bullshit. _Jadusable_ is interesting, sure, and pretty well written. But the creator outright confirmed it was fiction. BEN Drowned doesn't exist.

Looks like the buzz is up again, though.

I sigh to myself, somehow slightly disappointed upon remembering it. Glancing at the title again, and narrowing my eyes at the screen, I quickly save it and scroll past.

 _Claws and chains, claws and chains._ _  
_ _Play the game, it's all that remains._


	2. Chapter 2

Today I heard whispers in the halls of school. Somehow all the qualified persons of Tumblr (the gays, hipsters, koreaboos, closeted furries, etc.) has been informed of this “Continued ARG” at the same time as me. Apparently, 4:00 am was SJW happy hour. Whoever thought it was good for that dead kid’s ego to post his news all over the place must have predicted the outcome horribly wrong; only one solid, loyal fangirl said anything remotely nice about Jadusable. All the rest I heard was people being… _tired_.

“Ugh. It’s been going on for 7 years, when will people learn to take a break?”

“Okay, yeah, he’s  _ hot, _ but it’s the annoying kind of hot. You know, like when your boyfriend steals your bra and ends up never giving it back and it turns from sexy to obnoxious.”

“I’d tell him to kill himself, but…yeah. You already know.”

_Jesus._ I’m _not even that vicious._

It felt like the mystery that surrounded a dead 12-year-old cultist was just gone. That, or it had evaporated into some kind of laziness. Part of me would have believed that Ben himself had written that article if it wasn’t for the fact that I was 16-going-on-17 and not into that bullshit anymore.

I got home and tried forcing myself to read it. The whole thing. Thoroughly. Just once. But something in me just really,  _ really _ didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. For me, everything needed to have a reason. If not, it goes down the drain. That day I felt the need to make an exception.

But the _next_ day, I succumbed.

_ Rumors of a revived copy of the haunted Majora's Mask floating about the web have surfaced after years of the Jadusable hype being thought dead. While the creator of the original story has yet to confirm anything about this, fans and critics alike are starting to pour into sites like Amazon and Ebay in hopes of finding this haunted copy. _

_ That being set aside, it was physically confirmed that “Alex” burned the original copy, surprisingly keeping to his word in the infamous Reddit thread and “truth.txt.” _

_ As all that is happening, articles are also popping up more and more about a series of deaths, trauma, and suicide all connected to wires and electrocution. While nothing in the original story overtly states that BEN possesses the ability to physically harm others, the electronic and psychological manipulation tied to all this raises some alarms for fans of the story. _

Who wrote this article and where can I find their home to shoot them.

My first thoughts after reading this were more of a string of curses rather than comprehensible sentences. After my head cleared, I took a deep breath and glared at the screen.

“I smell bullshit, jeffthekiller093.”

As I scroll further down my saved posts, I came across the little thriller story again. From a light skim, it seemed decently well written. I caught snippets of sentences about ghosts, doors opening on their own, “it was just the wind,” all the little cliche stuff. I went back to the beginning, looking to  _ actually _ read it this time. Maybe it was worth 5 minutes or my life.

_ …and it would seem fake just listening to it, but god damn it, it felt so real. I felt the hair on my neck rise every time a floorboard in that house creaked, every time I heard that irritating buzzing and static that he caused. It sounded like he was rubbing sandpaper together right next to my ears when he passed me by. And I know a ghost should be gotten rid of because it’s dangerous, and creepy, but in all honesty I just want a normal life back. He makes me wish I was dead, not because he scares me, though that’s a part of it. He is one of the most annoying things I have ever looked at with my own two eyes. And he wants my help. _

_ Help me, he says, giving me those infamous puppy eyes that have never worked on me. He sounds innocent, but if you were here you would soon wish ghosts could die a second time as well. _

_ He used to whisper in my ear at night and tell me all the things I was afraid of. How the hell did he know anything about me? _

_ And then he stopped, because one night I’d had enough and yelled at him to fuck off, Lawman. Go toy with someone else. _

_ For some reason, he listened to me. And now all I can hear throughout the day is that goddamn static, and the sound of blood dripping throughout my apartment. Well, at least I think it’s blood. Whatever spilled on the carpet certainly looks like it. _

_ If he really thinks I can help him, he must be as stupid as he looks. _

_ He’s probably watching me right now, waiting for me to throw something else at him. The lamp’s broken, so I can’t use that again. _

_ Get out of my computer. Get out of my life. Get out of my head. Get out of my ROOM, Lawman. Stop playing your games with me. I’m not exactly in the mood, if you couldn’t tell. _

I blinked once, at a loss for words.  _ Really? That was the end? _

“…satirical. I like it,” I forced myself to admit.  _ So, I guess the message is that it’s not always the monster, who’s actually the monster. _

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, about to close the laptop when a tiny but conspicuous ad caught my eye. It was a little concerning, to say the least. Plastered in the small space it had was layers of distorted text, repeating,

“Please help me.”

“Please help me.”

“Please help me.”

“Please help me.”

After about 20 seconds of it, the box went white. I swear, my entire screen got just a tiny bit lighter from it. Then, in big, bold letters,

“BUY TODAY”

Featuring a small Nintendo 64 cartridge underneath.

“...oh, _fuck_ no.”

My entire body became paralyzed as I realized what that could mean. The ad froze, then seemed to split in half, creating a mild glitch in the entire screen. A small sentence popped up in the corner, so small I almost wasn’t able to read it.

“Please understand.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ll spend no more than 2 hours a day on it, it’ll be an after-homework thing. I swear.”

My mom raised an eyebrow and the computer screen.

“…it’s cheap as dirt. Sure you want this copy? N-not that I’m not glad it doesn’t cost that much, but…”

“Trust me, it’s a good copy.” I started bouncing on my feet, stomach churning, and I felt like a little kid. But I wasn’t exactly excited, more anxious and filled with dread.

_ Why am I even doing this? _

I furrowed my eyebrows in thought.

_ Because people are probably going to kill him a second time if they get their hands on the thing. _

“Okay. Maybe one and a half cents for a video game isn’t much to lose,” she muttered, cautiously clicking the “Add to Cart” button next to the cartridge’s display photo. I felt my heart leap into my throat as soon as she did.

“Thanks, mom,” I said quickly, grabbing my phone off a nearby shelf and gunning it to my room to take my mind off of whatever the hell I was doing with my life.

As I lounged back and kicked my legs up onto the bedroom wall, a dream came back to me in little pebble like pieces. I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to remember when it even happened.  _ What kind of fucked up ten-year-old would even think about that. It probably happened last week or something. _ I sighed and shut off my phone, drumming my fingers on the edge as I tried willing myself to remember better.

_ I see claws, and chains, and a pool of black water. _

Someone was standing in front of me. I couldn’t make out their face. But I knew I shouldn’t be talking to them directly.

They scared me.

But I asked anyway. It felt like I wouldn’t have much time to do anything before…something happened.

_ “What's the water for?” _

_ “Don't ask those kinds of questions,” _ an intimidating voice snapped. It paused.  _ “It's just a simple part of the ascension. This will only take a minute.” _

I felt my eyebrows furrow in frustration. This wasn't the answer I wanted. I gulped and lifted my head towards the voice, despite everything being black. I couldn't even see any water.

_ “Elder one,”  _ I asked reluctantly, my voice trembling.  _ “Before I leave, can I get something off my chest? It's been bothering me.” _

Somehow, I could feel the “elder” narrowing their eyes.  _ “If it's some sort of complaint about Luna, then you best keep it to yourself, young man,” _ they warned sternly.

I frantically shook my head, terrified.  _ “No, no, I would never! It's…just something at home.” _

The elder one’s demeanor softened.  _ “Your non-believing parents again?” _

I scoffed lightly and shook my head again.  _ “Not even them this time. It's my grandpa.” _ I heaved a sigh and laced my fingers, figuring out how to phrase it.  _ “He visited again this week and he saw me on the site. And…he checked my browser history. And he…” _ I swallowed back tears.  _ “He showed my dad.”  _ I sighed again and tried to wipe my eyes as casually as I could.

_ “They took my laptop away, and stopped giving me allowance. Said it would stop me from doing dangerous things. My grandpa said I was ‘evil’ from playing video games. He took the family TV and console to the basement and put them in a cardboard box. _

_ “My mom didn't like that part too much, but she wasn't going to stop him. I…I even heard her admit, she secretly agreed with him. That I was going bad. Doing cult stuff. I didn't even know what the word ‘cult’ meant until two days ago! _

_ “…sorry. I know I shouldn't be complaining, when, like…this is about to happen. But it still hurts. I know they don't believe, I can handle that. But this hurt a lot.” _

I opened my eyes and spread my arms out. I gulped and sighed.  _ “Okay. I'm ready.” _

I waited for about 10 seconds, becoming confused. It felt like the voice was hesitating. Finally, it heaved a sigh, and I felt icy water lap at my ankles.

_ “Recite your last prayer, Benjamin. We will begin shortly.” _

My eyes snapped open and the first thing I did was look at the alarm clock on my desk.

I’d fallen asleep for an hour. I was clutching my phone in my hand tightly, and I was sweating bucketfuls.

“Recite your last prayer, Benjamin,” I muttered to myself, my voice shaking.

I narrowed my eyes.

_ So this is what it feels like to be in a horror story. _

_ Well, fuck you. _


	4. Chapter 4

I stared blankly at a patch of marble on the staircase leading up to the front doors. It felt almost ironic considering the state of the rest of the school, and I felt like laughing but didn’t have the energy. My backpack was tugging me down and I trudged up and entered the building.

“Hey, slut,” a voice called as soon as I set foot in the front hall. My head snapped in its direction and a girl I heard was named Charissa or something was grinning at me alongside her female entourage. At the look on my face she held up her hands. “I’m joking,” she added immediately. “I-it’s supposed to be ironic.”

“…oh,” I hesitantly replied, forcing myself to give her a tiny smile. It didn’t exactly feel ironic but I didn’t really care all that much. Honestly, she could have called me worse and totally meant it and I’d feel the same way.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t  _ really _ call you that, you know. It’s Avery, right?” Her voice was sickly sweet, but not so much in a fake way as an,  _ oh god I hope they don’t hate me already _ way. I nodded silently, raising an eyebrow. “See you later.”

There was an extra lull in class, even more than on a usual day. It took a little bit to realize it was because of  _ me. _

A little fun fact about my reputation: everyone in junior year knows me to be something of a snarky asshole. Or at least  _ really  _ confident. Which I don’t blame them for. Sometimes I just purposefully act like a fuckboy to be funny. Sometimes I wear pink, obscene tank tops and shorts and am asked to change because of the dress code or whatever misogynistic shit.

Sometimes I get called a slut. Even just as a joke. You know, like literally 5 minutes ago today.

But the bags under my eyes and gray beanie and lack of yelling dumb things in class probably told everyone that something was wrong. Which wasn’t necessarily true. I was just getting paranoid of what was going to happen once I got that game.

In Chemistry a boy I barely recognized pointed at my shirt, which had a clip-art alien on it. Typical pretentious aesthetic kind of stuff. He raised an eyebrow and grimly asked, “Are you a believer?”

I raised my eyebrows right back and kind of let him down easy. “Uh, not exactly. It’s kind of supposed to be ironic…”

He narrowed his eyes, clearly disappointed. “Well, I don’t really know what I was expecting. Nevermind.” And he turned back to his work.  _ Was he going to try to indoctrinate me into some sort of alien worshipping cult? _

I decided to drop the subject, but I really couldn’t stop thinking about it until the end of the period.

During lunch, I saw outcast Meghan Flores smirk and stick her tongue out at me, and I smiled. That girl, bless her space buns, probably saw me as her closest friend. A subject for another time, perhaps.

In English a girl who I remembered had a crush on me in fifth grade of something like that asked me if I was okay. Naturally, I said yes, and that I just wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“Are you sure? Cause it looks like more than just sleep. You look…really scared.”

_ Goddamnit, I haven’t even played the game and it’s already toying with my mind. _

“I’m okay, I swear.”

I made my way home alone as usual and was greeted with an empty house. As usual. I sighed and jumped on the couch for what I planned to be a 3-4 hour afternoon nap, only to be interrupted by the doorbell and the sound of a box being dropped. My heart stopped as I remembered what I was waiting for all week.

I almost broke the screen on the front door pushing it open, and snatched the box off the ground not bothering to check the label. A rattling sound told me the contents were way too small for the box itself and my thoughts were confirmed.

Once I ripped the packaging open I plugged  _ Majora’s Mask _ into my ‘64 and started playing.


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing I noticed, even after I’d slammed it into my console was that the label wasn’t exactly ripped, persay. It was just completely gone. No joke. There wasn’t even any foreboding sharpie on the side of the cartridge. I felt half-disappointed, half-spooked at the fact I wouldn’t even know the contents of the game if I was a regular person until I played it.

I tilted my head curiously as the title screen played its typical little  _ Zelda _ trill. I noticed at the bottom, “Nintendo” was spelled wrong and almost laughed.

Besides that, there was almost nothing shady I could find after about 2 hours of gameplay. I only got a funny, weird kind of message from the guy who says he’s gonna kill the moon with his sword, asking me what my personality type was. I assumed it was talking about the 16-personality quiz your hipster friends make you take if you haven’t already. In the text box that was somehow provided, I entered, “douche.”

_ “You’re really funny, aren’t you.” _

Then it went back to normal. I guess he gave up on me and my utter assholery. I  _ guess. _

My “I can’t get my already tired mom mad at me by breaking a promise” instincts kicked in at the two hour mark, and I saved my game and shut down the console reluctantly. At that moment, I heard her car pull into the garage.

“Food?” I inquired loudly when she stepped inside. I heard a faint sigh.

“I went shopping three days ago, Ave. Eat what’s in the house.”

“M’kay.” I failed to bring up the fact that the game had arrived and stood up to visit the kitchen when I saw the screen flicker, even after I turned it off.

_ So this is happening. _ I paused, narrowing my eyes at the television and walked away.

The rest of the  _ actual _ day passed without event because I wasn’t going to risk touching a haunted game while my mom was home.

“How was school,” she asked nonchalantly over macaroni and marinara sauce. We ran out of the packaged cheese and had to substitute. It was surprisingly good. I shrugged. “Average.”

“I seem to get that a lot from you.  _ Something _ must have happened today.”

I thought about it. “Some kid asked me if I believed in aliens because of my shirt.” That made her laugh a little.

“Well, don’t you?”

“Nah. Not really.”  _ I see where you’d be coming from, though. _

“Bah, that’s no good. You used to be so fascinated by space when you were little, wanted to live on the moon or some crap. It was adorable.”

“Ha. It probably was.”

My mind flashed to the bare patch of wall in my room where a moon lamp used to be and I smiled.  _ Better get back into that phase. _ I looked up at my mother to see that regardless of what she was saying, she looked almost distraught. At least exhausted out of her mind, which was to be expected.

“…how was work, mom?”

“Terrible.”

“Ah.”

“Actually, not really. Just…I was in a bad mood today. Fell a little behind schedule, you know how it goes. I see you got your game today. So at least there’s that.”

My eyes snapped back up to her at the mention of that. “Oh, yeah. I was gonna tell you, but then I got distracted by it.”  _ If by distracted you mean mentally tortured by nothing interesting happening. _

Five minutes of silence passing told me she wasn’t interested in carrying on with this. I hastily finished my dinner and placed the dish in the sink before going upstairs to my room.

As soon as I shut the door my phone buzzed in my pocket.

_ Do you know what you’ve gotten yourself into? _

I felt annoyed just looking at the message and I couldn’t place why. It just set me off. I opened my phone and furiously thumbed back,  _ Of course. Who are you, and how did you get this number? _

Buzz.

_ You know. Wait 5 or so hours, as long as it takes until she’s asleep. _

“Fucking creep,” I muttered automatically. Again already, I felt like I was in some horror movie. No way in hell did I trust this guy, no matter how sure I was of who  _ he _ was.

_ I think I’ll pass. _

I knew then that I was lying to myself, though.

I did some homework I forgot I had, already breaking the deal I made on the first day of my personal hell, and took a huge power nap that turned into my whole night’s sleep. At 11:30 pm I received another message.

_ I can’t see anything past the stairs. Are we alone? _

My midnight-setting heart pounded at that. Reading something like that would be mildly unsettling during the day. Try thinking about that at 11:30 at  _ night _ . I shut my eyes, regretful as hell, before reluctantly responding.

_ I think so. _

Five minutes passed, and my eyes finally adjusted to the dark enough to see a faint light emitting from the downstairs hall. A shiver travelled down my spine.

Buzz.

_ Come downstairs. _

I complied, deciding to get this over with.  _ The first encounter is probably the worst. _

As my foot landed on each step, the light became even brighter and I shielded my eyes as I reached the bottom floor.

In the living room the television was turned on at full brightness.


	6. Chapter 6

I almost stumbled backwards. The TV must have been on for hours on end, maybe as soon as my mom went upstairs. But on the screen were bulky letters spelling out,

_ “Okay. Let’s cut the shit. You obviously know who I am.” _

I furrowed my eyebrows, not exactly expecting this. “Subtle. I thought you were a little sneakier than this, honestly. Your last name’s Lawman, right?”

_ “Of course it is. Wait, how do you know  _ that _?” _

“Because I do. Ten year old me was a big fan of Alex Hall.”

The screen seemed to almost pause. Then it read,  _ “Who the hell is that?” _

I was a little surprised.  _ Of all people, you don’t know who that is? _ “He’s the author of your story. You know, Jadusable? Is this, like, your long-lost twin brother I’m talking to right now?”

_ “Can we not do this right now. I need to get out of here. This is exhausting.” _

I held up my hands. “Okay. Real talk, I would love to help you. But,  _ real talk, _ how am I supposed to get you out of the TV.”

_ “Okay. I probably should’ve phrased that better. I can leave here, you know. But I’m kind of tied to it. Can I just talk to you? Normally?” _

I narrowed my eyes.  _ Fine. _

“Fine.”

As soon as I said that, the whole room went dark. Little parts of the screen flickered on and off, and I shielded my eyes.  _ The fuck? _

“Done.” A synthetic-sounding voice reverberated around the room. I gazed about 1 inch up from where I was standing and saw him.

“‘Sup, Ben,” I muttered, almost in shock. He definitely looked…different, than I’d expected. For one, his eyes weren’t completely empty. They were more of a faded gray rather than pitch black. The pupils were vermillion, almost like it was some off-colored spinoff of the guy.  _ Maybe he’s not exactly insane anymore. _

On a less symbolic note, his hair wasn’t too spot-on either. Not that he was a “close the goddamn door” edgy brunet, but it was more of a dirty strawberry blonde look. I noticed he was just wearing some athletic shorts and a dark blue t-shirt with a hyper-realistic looking moon plastered on. He gazed at me with strange, calculating eyes.

“I swear to Lu--uh, to  _ god _ if you comment on the hair--”

“Does it count if I did it in my head?”

“Yes.”

“Swear to whatever-the-hell-you-were-gonna-say away, then.”

Annoying as I was purposefully being, he actually looked like he was hiding a smile. “…Avery, right?”

“Stop acting like you don’t know. Aren’t you supposed to be a stalker?”

He seemed offended. “So that’s what they’re saying about me now?”

“ _ Aren’t  _ you, though?”

“…shut up.”

“Ha.”

“You’re just dying to know everything about me now, aren’t you.”

I scoffed. “Note how I’m choosing not to make an easy joke about you already being dead because I’m just that nice.”

“ _ Oh _ my god. Okay, enough. We could do this all da--”

He stopped dead (ha), like there was something caught in his throat. He clutched at his windpipe, and five seconds later he threw up pure water, or at least it looked like it. Whatever it was, it was disgusting. My eyelid twitched.

“…okay, so, not sure if you know this, but there’s this thing called a sink--”

“I get it,” he growled. His voice, as I failed to notice before now, had been almost hoarse. Now it was unbelievably clear, somehow even more so than if he was a real person. He sighed and balled his hands into fists. “I’m pretty sure you know only about half of what’s happening, by now. So please just let me talk. Okay?”

Hesitantly, I nodded and sat down, listening attentively.

“Thank you. Now, where was I.

“I’m not gonna bother explaining everything because most of it is absolutely none of your business, but the gist is I’ve been trying to escape this godforsaken game for 7 years and…nada. So…” he paused, looking almost embarrassed. “I…kind of hacked the eBay algorithm and got an ad out. I’m guessing that’s what you saw?”

“You call that drug trip an ad?”

“Do you think I’m a corporate master, Avery? It was the best I could do to get someone’s attention. Someone intelligent, and resourceful, and compassionate. I’ve now come to the understanding that you are none of those.”

“Hey!”

“Kidding. A little bit. You weren’t playing around when you entered ‘douche,’ were you?”

I thought. “No comment. Carry on.”

“…anyway, I don’t really know how much I can add besides that. I just need to leave. Like, imagine you’re still in high school.”

“I  _ am  _ still in high school.”

“Whatever. But instead of four years, its been stretched to god knows how long and there are other kids who’ve graduated, and lived, and did all that fun stuff like eating, biking, video games, you name it.”

As I processed this, I decided not to point out the fact that he literally lived inside a video game for the sake of his remaining sanity.

“Well…what if I just destroyed the cartridge. Like the other guy did.” I raised an eyebrow and leaned back into the couch. Ben’s form seemed to flicker, and he donned a pained expression.

“Well, that just wouldn’t help anyone, now would it?”

“Why not? Wouldn’t you be free?”

He sighed and narrowed his eyes at me, gesturing around.

“Where do you think I am right now. Take a wild guess.”

I thought for a little bit, not exactly sure what he meant. Then it hit me.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You getting it now?”

“You just move. You can’t really disappear.”

“This?” He twirled a finger in the air. “It’s just a new game. The old cartridge, it’s gone. He really burned it, somehow. This is my new home now.” He lazily fell back and seemed to sit on thin air, crossing his legs nonchalantly. His eyes flickered to the side.

“It doesn’t fix anything to destroy whatever I’m in. It just hurts everyone. I’m not free, and someone else has to suffer for it. At least, that’s how it’s always been up until now.”

I raised both eyebrows, now paying attention. “So…you’re planning on doing something different now, is what you mean. Different than what you’ve been doing to everyone these days.”

“I’m really tired of being stuck here, Avery. Seven years, it…it does things to you. I’ve been trying the same thing for so long. I just want to leave.”

I pursed my lips, and after a moment closed my eyes, nodding comprehensively.

“…and what if I have no reason to trust you, literal murderous ghost. I mean…” I scoffed to myself, finally fully realizing what I’d just gotten myself into. “…I just got this game because I knew that I couldn’t trust anyone else to have it. I almost…wanted to protect you.” I raised my eyebrows at him like we were talking over coffee and a breakfast sandwich. “You kill people, dude. From what I’ve  _ seen _ , you tricked thousands of people into setting you free. Now, I have a shitton of question about that part alone, but I won’t get into it.”

Ben raised his eyebrows in return, almost looking hurt. “You…well, yeah. You don’t have any reason to trust me. I get it. But the thing is here, neither of us have a choice. Just because you’re holding my prison doesn’t mean I have no control.”

“I am on my  _ knees, _ begging to differ.”

“Well, don’t. My point is that we could both help each other. But you kind of have to help me more.”

I paused. “What do you mean, we could both help each other? What do I get out of this?”

“Well, just about how many friends do you have right now?”

“Tons,” I lied.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Stalker.”

“Avery, we both really don’t have time for this. Will you at least  _ try _ to help me, or not?”

“I mean, sure but--”

_ “Great.” _

The room turned pitch black and Ben was gone in a hurry.

“…but I’m not sure how I can…”


	7. Chapter 7

At this point, I was pretty sure that Ben Lawman, a dead teen who was complaining about his 7 years spent trapped inside a video game, had little to no concept of how time actually worked. Because I saw almost  _ zero _ sign of his existence for another month of him being in my house.

_ Seriously? I agreed to help you and now you  _ literally _ ghost me. I would’ve even made a joke about that if you were actually willing to come out again. _

Somehow, even as the days went by, I became increasingly more aware of what was really happening around me. It was like time was going backwards. Each day, a new little topping was being added to my grand paranoia sundae, which was only made worse by the fact that I don’t even like sundaes.

After weeks of me wondering if Ben was even real or if what I saw was just some weird hallucination, a tiny spark came from the TV when I tried playing the game again. It felt like he was wagging a finger at me, or just disappointed. I glared at the screen and jammed the  _ A _ button anyway.  _ What else am I supposed to do if you just go and disappear like that? _

I heard a faint, staticky sigh come from the television and the files finally popped up.

_ T H E R E S N O _

_ P O I N T I N _

_ P L A Y I N G _

I furrowed my eyebrows. “I know  _ that. _ But you’re not even talking to me,” I muttered through clenched teeth. I tried pressing another button and I felt a tiny static shock.

“ _ Ow. _ ”

_ “I’m sorry, okay? But your mom is home all the time! Also, you sleep like a goddamn baby so it’s kind of hard to keep in touch, like…ever. _

I tilted my head, a tad bit confused and still  _ very _ annoyed. “I’ve woken up in the middle of the night about 5 times this week, what do you mean?”

_ “Well, you don’t answer your phone. You know I can’t see anything past the stairs.” _

“You don’t just…!” I narrowed my eyes at the TV and sighed. “Whatever. I’m not doing this right now. Can we just--”

I stopped dead when I heard my mom call from the second floor, probably still groggy from sleeping.

“Ave, are you talking to someone?”

I reluctantly kept my eyes on the screen and replied, “No. Just getting a little  _ annoyed _ at my  _ new game _ .” I glared pointedly at one of the files, not exactly sure if I could even look Ben in the eyes with a screen blocking us. “It’s all good.”

“You know, if there’s something frustrating you, it’s probably best to turn it off for a while and go outside.”

“Fine. Just let me finish something.” I widened my eyes and motioned for him to  _ get out _ and in the open before I decided he was a lost cause. There was a long pause before the screen blacked out and a faint silhouette of him almost popped into the room.

**_Okay. I’m here. What do you want._ **

Although I almost fell backwards from hearing  _ his _ voice in my mind, and had a whole other shitton of questions I could’ve dove into at that moment, I decided to answer him first.

_ Well, first of all, it’s going to be kind of hard to help you if you just avoid me all the time. We probably need some sort of system to do this. _

He wordlessly pointed to the N64 beside me and I fixed him with my deadliest glare.

_ Don’t try me. I mean a kind of contract, or some agreement so we don’t get on each other’s nerves too much. _

**_I can get inside your phone, I think._ **

_ Yeah, so can my personal FBI agent. Can’t I just carry your cartridge around? Like a portable, mini-Ben? _

**_Extremely bad idea. I’m going in your phone._ **

“Wait, but—“

I didn’t get the time to explain why that was an even  _ worse _ idea before he disappeared and I heard a very loud  _ ping _ from upstairs. I groaned to myself and rushed up to my mom’s bedroom, snatching my phone from off her nightstand before anything happened.

“Who’s texting you now?”

“Just this guy from school. Project stuff.”

“Hm. Is he cute?” My mom smirked from inside her closet and raised an eyebrow at me. I decided not to pander to her today.

“Pretty mediocre, actually. Bye.”

I walked out and to my  _ own _ room, shutting the door before entering my passcode and narrowing my eyes at the front-facing camera.

“Life lesson number one. When I tell you something’s a bad idea, maybe  _ listen _ to me. Sound good?”

**_Didn’t know your mom was some heteronormative control freak. I’ll try._ **

“Good. Cool. Nice. Does brainstorming how we can get you out of digital purgatory sound like something you’d want to do right now?”

**_I can’t tell if you’re being serious._ **

“You were supposed to say ‘yes,’ but I’ll take what I can get.” I drew a shaky breath and glanced at the doorway, about to reach my peak paranoia level at any moment. I turned back to my phone and saw that it’d timed out. Setting it down and assuming he could still hear me, I racked my brain for solutions.  _ Is it even possible to get him out of the internet? _

_ What would Jadusable do, what would Jadusable do… _

“Okay. Gonna ask again.  _ Who  _ is Jadusable.”

I jumped where I sat and looked up. Ben was just standing there, looking impatient. I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure if he was joking with me or not. “From all your years spent living inside the web, you don’t know who Jadusable is. Scratch that, do you even know your  _ story? _ ”

He narrowed his eyes, and I suddenly felt…weird. Like my emotions were being turned on me, and we had somehow switched places.  _ So that’s what people mean when they say he’s manipulative. _

“First of all, I heard that. Second, that’s kind of a poetic way to put it but of fucking  _ course _ I know my ‘story.’ Whatever that means.” His gaze flickered to the side unsurely. “And I’m not repeating it.”

“That’s not what I meant. Ben…you’re famous.”

“I’m what now.”

“You have this massive fanbase. 75% of girls—hell, even some  _ guys _ on the internet would bang you for a quarter any day of the week.”

Ben froze, then looked disgusted. “I’m a minor!”

“Yeah, and some people prefer to see you as  _ not _ that. Anyways, you’ve got a story, like I said. This one guy made an ARG about your game. Made these videos on an emulator where he could make the game look haunted. Everybody who read it lost their shit.”

“B-but…how…how do they know anything about me? Did…” he paused, and something in him seemed to shift. “Jadusable…that’s not their real name, is it?”

“His name is Alex. College student. He…” Ben’s hands curled into fists, and his entire body started shaking.

“Alex, you little shit! He’s the one who got me _stuck_ here! **I’m** **going to ki—“**

“Woah, dude, calm down!” I held up my hands when his voice turned from normal to absolute Satan spawn in less than 2 seconds. “I don’t think he meant to hurt you…that much. But he couldn’t have known this would happen.”

“Oh, he couldn’t have known? Then what did he think  _ burning  _ me alive would’ve done? Did he think I was all safe and secure, did-did he think that was going to make everyone  _ happy?” _

“Probably!”

Ben froze, and then sighed, dropping down next to me on my bed with his head in his hands.  _ First day and we’re already getting all feelsy. Not a good sign. _

“I heard that,” he mumbled, looking like he was trying to hide his face. “Do you even  _ know  _ anything about me, really?”

“Dude, did you think I’d jump into this if I didn’t know anything? Try me.”


	8. Chapter 8

In reality, based on what I’d just heard, I was convinced I had everything wrong about Ben and his plight. After a while of sitting and thinking, he started to talk.

“I shouldn’t have said all that,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut regretfully. “I was really, _really_ awful back then. I thought I could get away with anything, and the world would still see some poor kid who got swindled and killed.”

“Wait, what?”

“You’re not looking at a martyr here, Avery. I was just…horrible. I was so annoying, and selfish, and—“

“Ha, _was?”_

It slipped out before I realized I was even thinking that, and the room seemed to freeze. I didn’t look in his direction, but I was certain Ben was fixing me with a sharp glare.

“…sorry. Old habits. Continue.”

“…anyway, I’m pretty sure I know how people see me at this point. Well, at least how _some_ of them do.” He wrinkled his nose and pressed a hand to his forehead. _I mean, that’s fair._

“Thank you for understanding. But I guess I just didn’t know how the world worked back then. I tortured people, and toyed with them, and killed them, and I thought it would take me to where I wanted. And that was _really_ stupid.” He turned to me, his eyes narrowed and inquiring. “Do you even know half of what I’ve done?”

I shrugged, not exactly sure how to answer. _I’d like to think that I do._

He started ticking off on his fingers. “I’ve hacked into people’s bank accounts, made them commit suicide, made someone think they had schizophrenia, ordered crocs off Amazon when this one guy wasn’t looking—“

“Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah, I felt bad about that one. But the one thing I _always_ do, is I trick people. I mess with their heads, I make them think I’m worth helping and it always blows up in my face. Sometimes in theirs, too. And I still went at it. Got super pretentious after a while, that’s probably most of what you’ve read about me.”

“So all that ‘BEN is getting lonely’ stuff was just your 12-year-old emo phase?”

“Please don’t call it that.” He seemed to think for a minute. “Actually…yeah. It was. And I thought everyone would feel _sorry_ for me.” Ben scoffed and closed his eyes. “Wow. I mean, I don’t know what to tell you.”

I raised an eyebrow, grappling for any information I could find in my brain. But all I could come up with was, _I feel sorry for you._

“You shouldn’t. I was a brat.”

“No, you weren’t. I saw your conversation. Your last one alive.”

Ben flickered and looked up at me, wide-eyed. “You saw what?”

“You were so scared of sounding ungrateful. You got tricked into doing something you shouldn’t have. That wasn’t your fault.”

“No, I never forgot all that. But you _saw_ me, when I was alive? Did…were you—“

“Oh, god, no. I don’t do cult shit. You should know that by now,” I said hastily, holding my hands up again. “I…dreamt about it. Before I even got the game, somehow.” Saying it out loud felt embarrassing, for some reason. Probably because _I nearly witnessed your death to a moon-worshipping cult when you were 12_ isn’t the best conversation starter. Ben’s expression was curious, to say the least.

“Oh. How about that,” he muttered to himself. I opened my mouth to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean when he lifted a hand, as if to say, _maybe later._

“Thanks anyway, I think. Just because I have to trust you for the time being doesn’t mean we had to be nice to each other, so…I appreciate it.”

“Anytime. What does ‘how about that’ mean when I told you I had some PTSD flashback of a dream a month ago.”

“Not important. I vote we should get to work.” Ben stood up and stretched his arms, like he was preparing for some ghost-specialty workout.

“As in…?”

“My freedom. You know. What I’ve wanted for seven years plus some months.”

“Well, how are we—no, how are _you_ supposed to even leave the game in the first place? This isn’t some school project we’re talking about here, this is some death-or-even-worse-death shit if you ask me.”

I’m _painfully_ aware of that, Avery. I’m just wondering if you have anything that’ll help this. Like…what did that Alan guy—“

“Alex. You forgot your last victim’s _name?”_

“Not my last. But what did he even write about me? The last time I looked myself up I could only find Vaporwave pictures and some weird story that was called 'ben drowned a lemon' or something…”

As the realization dawned on him, his face grew more and more horrified. I sighed.

“That’s you. That’s…what you’re called on the internet.”

“I’m never going on fanfiction sites again.”

“You really shouldn’t be on them in the first place, buddy.”


	9. Chapter 9

That day I couldn’t really think of anything that would help the situation. Everything I threw at Ben, he deflected, with either an “already tried that,” “do you even know how ghosts work,” or just a disappointed sigh. It would’ve made me feel stupid but with each idea I just got more motivated. _ I’m going to get you out of my hair as soon as I can, goddamnit, and then we can both be happy. _

Eventually I returned to my original train of thought of what Alex Hall would’ve done if he just understood. He was the closest—well, only—person I could think of who’s experienced this and didn’t completely throw him out the window.  _ There’s gotta be  _ something _ he tried to get Ben out. _

“How do you even work, anyway?” I blurted, realizing I had no idea what he really could or couldn’t do in the first place. “What does ‘free’ even mean to you? So far, you haven’t really explained that part too much.”

Ben paused, as if just realizing why I was having a little trouble figuring out  _ everything _ by myself. “…oh. Right. I guess I haven’t.”

“Yeah. Just thought about maybe telling me something useful?”

“Well,  _ sorry, _ but I don’t think anyone has genuinely wanted to help me in a long time. They just kind of…try to take pictures, or see if they can get me to prank someone by electrocuting them.”

“You mean you’ve only ever been owned by, like, some 7-year-old Logan Paul fan?”

“Who’s Logan Paul?”

“Nevermind.”

“Anyway, nobody’s really asked how I work before. So I’ve never bothered actually putting it into words.”

“I’m here all day, man.” I stretched my arms and lazily sank into bed, waiting until he was ready to get into all sorts of weird ghost technicalities. He thought for longer than I’d expected he would, and finally clapped his hands together in preparation.

“Alright. I think I’ve got the basics.” He turned to me and heaved a giant breath. “Basically, I’m kinda tethered to whatever cartridge I’m in. That’s why I can’t see past the first floor of your house unless I come out—“

“Ha.  _ Come out.” _

“Oh, because  _ you’re _ as straight as a ruler. I’m giving an explanation here.”

“Sorry, I just had to say it.”

“Anyway, I have to be out in the open to really do anything outside the game. The most I can do is shock people and make them shit their pants.”

“Just say you scare them, man. I’m getting a horrible visual.”

“And  _ I’m _ not sorry. Also, I can get transferred to other things but only if they’re connected to each other somehow. I think I can travel through Bluetooth now, so that’s better than telephone poles.

“And something I  _ just _ now realized, like, five minutes ago, is that I can lose my memory.”

My head perked up at that. “Wait, so what if you can lose memory? Is it just that you forget like a normal person, or is it some Alzheimer’s shit that’s going on in there?”

“Not sure. All I know is that whenever I get set back, or I change ‘bases,’” he put air quotes around the word like he couldn’t find a better way to phrase it, “I just…lose some of my memories. I couldn’t remember who  _ Alex Hall _ was, and I’m literally the guy who ruined his life and infected Reddit users’ computers with an unstoppable virus. Or, well,  _ me. _

“But when he burned the cartridge, I got sucked back into another one. Lost all my progress.” At that, he widened his eyes in realization. “Oh, god, my entire  _ existence _ is a metaphor.”

“Ew. Gaming metaphors are objectively the worst.”

“You see now why you have to help me, right?”

“Absolutely. I’ll try my best as long as ‘my best’ doesn’t involve me dying or anything.”

“I really doubt it’s going to come to that, but say what you gotta.” Ben looked to the side thoughtfully, then stuck out his hand like he was unsure of himself. “Do we have a deal…? You’re  _ really _ going to try and help me out?”

Without a second thought I smiled and shook his hand, pretending to sip some tea. “Sure. Deal.”


	10. Chapter 10

Shaking some famous dead guy’s hand didn’t seem like a real pact at first but it sure did feel like one. Something seemed to be bugging me with each day that passed, like I was on a time limit and I needed ideas quick. Ben never put all that much pressure on me but I still felt it. And at school it was cranked up to full capacity, and my brain was on the verge of exploding every day until I could get home and power-nap.

Except one day, I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t just fall asleep and forget about everything for a good second. It probably had to do with what had happened earlier.

In Chemistry that day, my lab partner for the semester (weird alien worshiping kid) was acting extra creepy and intrusive with all his questions and stares, and intense scribbling in a notebook that seemed more like a journal than something for school. It wasn’t even coming off as him being into me; he just seemed way, way too interested in my personal life and thoughts. Almost like he was interviewing me for something.

“What’s your favorite song that’s strictly from an anime?”

“Are those _jeans_ you’re wearing? It’s like you lost the left half of your brain, or something.”

“Who would you say is your closest friend, if you have any right now?”

“Are both of your parents home most of the time? Or just one? Or do you not have any?”

I resisted the urge to sock him in the face when he asked if I was a hermaphrodite or not. Sometimes I would answer and he would seem frustrated, or disappointed, like I’d answered wrong. At one point, he paused, sighed, and rested his face in his hand.

“Do you think I’m weird?”

_How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?!_

“…yes. But weird isn’t bad,” I hesitantly said, raising an eyebrow and getting back to my classwork. He’d caused us to fall behind a lot on the assignment but we—well, pretty much _I_ was able to finish it on time. That was another thing about Unsettling Alien Kid; he didn’t do much of his work in class, but never got reprimanded, and didn’t even seem like a slacker. He just looked like he was thinking about important things a lot. A _lot_. Maybe too much.

_What’s on his mind half the time, anyway?_

I lay awake in bed at 4:00 in the afternoon speculating until I finally realized that this wasn’t even what I should’ve been thinking about in the first place. I was supposed to be connecting the dots, thinking of strategies, doing _something_ to try to help Ben’s situation. It felt like if I wasn’t sleeping or eating or going through a crippling bout of anxiety, I had to be _thinking_.

_Thanks, brain!_

I groaned and sat up, holding my head and trying to shake the thought of that weird kid. I needed some rest, stat. But before I could cleanse myself of the worry my phone buzzed.

  * _Hey are you good - B_



I almost smiled.

  * _Yeah. Something weird just happened at school. Oh, also I got a new addition to the insult book wanna hear?_


  * _Sure._


  * _Well, not really. Got asked if I was a hermaphrodite today :)_



There was a pause in conversation. It surprised me. Ben always texted me like this, but since he’s technically everywhere in the web, he can’t text from a solid number. So he just “borrows” some random line and contacts me from there. But our talks always went so smoothly, like we were just chatting in real life and not through the internet, and Ben paused. I raised an eyebrow, not able to tell whether he was busy laughing at me or just genuinely shocked. After a good second, he responded again.

  * _Was it her again?_



I let out a tiny sigh of relief. Over the past few days, popular girl Charissa-or-something’s remarks and backhanded compliments had gotten progressively worse and more hurtful than before. I knew deep down she didn’t exactly _hate_ me; she almost seemed to regret saying those kinds of things, and even if she didn’t, it still sounded really fake and forced. I suspected somebody else, someone more powerful in the social hierarchy was out to get me, and the girl was just following orders, or being pressured to dig at me by her “friends.” But I kept those thoughts to myself most of the time; I really had nobody to vent to it about (besides Ben and maybe that girl Meghan), and Charissa-or-something really seemed to value her place in high school society. Besides, I could take it.

I gave my phone screen a crooked smile, almost certain Ben could see me, and replied.

  * _Nah. Just this weird kid in one of my classes. Didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt my feelings but it was funny._



Another pause.

  * _Hello??_



Ben was still hesitant.

After a whopping 10 seconds, he responded.

  * _Did he seem like he was into you?_



I gave a half-assed chuckle at that. The guy was almost nervous about asking a question like that.

  * _Ha no. It did feel like he was some FBI agent, tho. Like searching for information, trying to figure out where I live, my social security number, all that jazz._


  * _Lol. Good thing I already know both ;))_



I widened my eyes.

  * _Wait, you do?_


  * _Kidding. That would be too much effort. I CAN find them out, though._



Alright. I was having enough of this cryptic, social queue kind of stuff.

  * _You know you can come on out, right? My mom’s at the store._



“Fine.”

I heard his voice right by my ear and jumped where I sat.

“Jesus! Okay, that is _not_ what I meant.”

Ben chuckled. “I know. But it was funny.” He brushed himself off and sat down next to me. It seemed like whatever he was worried about before didn’t matter right now, which was fine by me. _But you didn’t need to be an asshole about it,_ I thought, a strange kind of half-smirk growing on my face.

“Wow. I thought we were friends, Mx. Valentin.” Ben feigned offense, and when I laughed he dropped the act, satisfied with its results. “What was the weird thing that happened, anyway? Or was that it.”

I nodded, sighing. “I mean…” Something in me wanted to spill it all out. Everything that had been going on in my head, every single stressful, intrusive thought that entered my mind since he had arrived. _You know what? Fuck it._

“…if I could get some things off my chest, that’d be nice.”

Ben raised an eyebrow and shifted in his seat. “Ready when you are.”

“Thanks.” I took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to phrase everything as lightly as possible, without sounding too whiny or like I was suffering too much. Or at least, I sincerely _hoped_ I didn’t sound whiny.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Since the last time we _really_ talked. When I agreed I’d help you, for sure. And I’m kinda starting to understand why everybody who had you before…did the things they did.”

Before I could carry on, Ben held up a hand, almost horrified. “Hold on, so you want to lock me in a shoe box and stick me outside in the rain for 10 days before bashing me with a hammer?”

“Somebody _did_ that to you?!”

“Well, they almost did. I heard them talking about it with someone on the phone. First kill, baby,” he announced with a sudden sense of pride. He seemed to become aware of himself, and slouched back over. “Carry on.”

“…right. Anyway, I don’t know what anybody _else_ really did when they had you. But the last guy, he seemed really stressed. I’m guessing mostly because you put him under psychological torture, infected all his stuff, and manipulated his depressed college self for months on end.”

“Ha. I _did_ do that.”

“Not really a laughing matter, buddy.”

“…sorry.”

“ _But._ I think another part of that is because at one point, he did want to help you. He did feel sorry for you. And now _I’m_ falling into that disgusting trap, of being a _good person._ ” The words left a bad taste in my mouth, and I stuck out my tongue in disgust. _Virtue. Gross._

“So naturally, since I’m also still in school, I just feel all this pressure. All the time. Everywhere. And I’m not saying you’re a handful, Ben, but…it’s more the baggage you _come_ with is a lot to deal with. I’m just feeling really weird and guilty a lot of the time because I haven’t found a way to bust you out of a Nintendo cartridge and it’s only been a week!” I managed to say the last part all in one breath and heaved a sigh. “There. I’ll be here all night, folks,” I joked feebly, still feeling like a mountain of crap.

Ben didn’t seem like he knew what to say to that.


	11. Chapter 11

Long story short, he fled back to his cartridge to rethink things. I suddenly felt super guilty of what I’d said; it wasn’t technically  _ wrong _ to let my feelings out like that, but I probably should’ve warned him that people don’t normally have heavy situations like this to deal with and that this was just me being my easily-collapsible self. I decided to keep my hopes high and assume he was fine, just thinking, because if I actively searched for him now that could make things a whole lot messier.

The back screen door slammed shut.

“Ave! Can you help me out here?”

“Sure,” I sighed, holding my head as I stood up to put this week’s groceries away. At least Ben hid away before my mom came home.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into at the store today,” she chirped as she struggled to reach the higher cabinets to put some sugar away.

“Who?”

“Mia Stevenson. You know, it was so good to see her again, I’ve barely talked to her since you were five! We did a lot of catching up. Turns out, she’s been pretty put down by work too, would you believe that? Oh, and her daughter was there, too! I, uh…didn’t catch her name, any  _ Stevensons _ in your grade that you know of?”

I pretended to think for a little bit, knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to come up with a satisfactory answer for her. “I don’t think so. But I barely know anybody in my grade.”

“Hm. Well, not to be pushy, but I’ve noticed you don’t seem to be that keen about moving out of your comfort zone. Maybe try talking to different people. You’ve only mentioned to me one or two of your school friends this whole year!”

“Eh. Maybe. But right now, I think I’m good regarding my social life. Maybe I just forget to tell you when I get along with someone.” I shrugged like it was no big deal to me, which was about half-true. But the whole truth was that I  _ did _ know a lot of people in my grade. It’s just that I’d been something of a vagabond that year; hopping from one group to the next, never really finding anyone that stuck. Or maybe more accurately, the groups hopped to and from  _ me. _ It was quite upsetting when I thought about it. Which was precisely why I chose not to think about it that much at all.

“Well, don’t forget to engage once in a while. Remember what happened last y—”

“Yes. I remember. I’m going up now. Tired,” I interrupted, my words sharp and choppy. I didn’t really mean to sound angry. But I was kind of done with this conversation, and bringing up the second half of my sophomore year was a little low for my mom to stoop.

“Oh. Okay,” she muttered, surprised. “Wanna order pizza tonight? Or are you okay with cooking something?”

“Pizza’s nice. Thanks.”

“Alright. Have a nice nap,” she called as I disappeared around the corner of the stairs. All the groceries had been put away, anyway. There was no reason for me to stick around.

As I entered my room I noticed a distinct buzzing sound filling my ears, and tried shaking my head to get it out. It failed to do much. It seemed more like, the room was causing it rather than something in my brain going haywire. My eyes darted around, looking for whatever might be causing the sound, but I couldn’t see anything to blame. Everything looked normal to me. I could only think of one thing—well, guy—that’d be connected to this.

“…Ben?” I asked quietly, half-expecting nothing to happen. I heard him sigh and saw a flash of blue as he appeared at the foot of my bed, scratching an arm like he’d been caught having a midnight snack.

“I know. I shouldn’t have done that. I get it if you’re a little pissed at me right now.” He almost flopped down onto the mattress, making me hold in a chuckle. I knew he wasn’t trying to be funny, but the way he looked so ashamed of himself seemed weirdly hilarious.

_ No. Stop it. That’s a shitty thing to think, he probably thinks you’re really mad at him! _

I shut my eyes and walked over, sitting down next to him with an attempted air of  _ I forgive you because you really didn’t do all that much. _ “It’s not that big of a deal. I’m okay.”

“But all that about how you were so stressed, all the time? Because of me?” He muttered like he regretted having to say it. I leaned back on my arms, staring at the ceiling.

“No. It’s fine.” I sighed at that, very aware of how not-fine I sounded. “It really is, though. High school’s so dramatic. It’s almost designed that way, I think. I only meant to, like, say that I was still a little weirded out by all of this. But I guess I went a little overboard.”

“That’s not your fault,” he responded simply, lifting his head and staring straight into my eyes. I gave him a confused look.  _ How is it not, in any way, shape or form? _

“I should have been a little more considerate. First of all, I  _ literally _ ran away after you spilled your heart out to me, so that’s not a good start. But I also just…didn’t think about how much I’d weigh in on your life. You’re in high school, second worst place on the planet.”

“What’s the first?”

“A mall with no GameStop. The point is, I never really apologized for existing in general. So…I’m sorry for existing. In general.”

I held up a hand at that.  _ No way in hell is this boy trying it. _ “O- _ kay. _ I think you’re a little confused here, friend.  _ I’m _ the one who straight-up called you a burden, and said you have a lot of baggage—”

“Alright, the first one is  _ not _ true.”

“—and just didn’t take into account the fact that you haven’t connected with another human being in  _ years. _ I probably know a lot more about you than you do me, and…I should’ve thought about it more. I should’ve just kept it inside. But I didn’t. So now you have to deal with my gross-ass emotions. And I’m not letting you argue with me about this anymore, so don’t even try.” I punctuated my poorly-constructed, immature argument with a huffy cross of my arms. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“…alright. You’ve made your point. Uh…but, just know, you can always take it back if you need to vent a little more,” he said, leaning forward and forcing me to look him in the eye. It felt weirdly comforting, but almost scary at the same time. I was tempted to close my eyes just to spite him, but found myself unable. I’d gotten all my leftover stubbornness out of me; there was really nothing left to do. Instead I just waited for him to say whatever was still on his mind.

“But if you don’t, I guess that’s fine too. I…think I’m gonna go now,” he finished awkwardly with a little wave. I blinked and nodded, not exactly sure what to make of that. He didn’t waste much time before rushing off again, and I was alone.

Again.

_ We’re really getting nowhere with this, aren’t we. _


	12. Chapter 12

The next day I spent trying my hardest to avoid talking to Weird Chemistry Kid (whose name I’d recently learned was Jason) and enduring the taunts of Charissa-or-something Stevenson in the halls. Apparently, she was the one whose mother had ran into mine at the supermarket the other day. It was especially difficult to let that fact sink in, considering I had no way of telling during the school day exactly what my mom told hers.

All I knew was that now, she had valid grounds to call me things like “little space geek,” and “rejected Zelda,” all while wearing that million-dollar cheerleader smile of hers. I could take it. All in good fun, right? At least that’s how she acted like it was. Well, I  _ did _ know she was trying to get to me. But like I said earlier; it didn’t feel as genuine as it would be if she legitimately hated me.

Some of her quips still stung a little, though.

I walked back from the busted vending machines empty-handed and went to find an available table in the cafeteria. It looked like I’d have to wait until dinner to have a decent meal; my wrinkled one-dollar bills weren’t being accepted today, and lunch-line natural selection in my grade was brutal because of approaching midterms. No way in hell was I getting mixed up in that mess.

After a little while of walking around aimlessly, having been indirectly rejected by most of the main tables, I saw that blessed girl Meghan wave me over. Again, she’d probably a topic for another time. Only one other person was sitting at her table, and as uncomfortable as it was, I took a seat next to her. And across from  _ him. _

“So you guys know each other,” Jason said after a long awkward silence, probably as some attempt to break the ice. I nodded silently. Meghan flew into the topic like nothing would please her more.

“Yeah! Used to hang out all the time in middle school, but then kinda lost track. Still talk, though. How do you two…” her eyes flitted back and forth between us, waiting for someone else to speak up.

“Chemistry class,” I answered reluctantly, avoiding eye contact with Jason. While I didn’t look at him directly, I did see him shoot Meghan  _ a look. _ A look that seemed to communicate,  _ If you say anything, I  _ will _ kill you. _ Meghan looked confused for a second, then let out a silent “oh!”, puffed up her cheeks and nodded.

I didn’t really know what to make of that; only that he might’ve already mentioned me to her, and he didn’t want her to say anything stupid in front of me about it. I kind of understood. Either way, I decided it was probably best to ignore it and carry on.

The rest of lunch went surprisingly smoothly, and despite not eating anything I was able to make it through the day. There was just this one little hitch in the halls on the way to Art 2 that stuck with me.

I saw a group of girls almost all wearing the same kind of crop-top hoodie abomination that  _ I  _ would never be allowed to own, chattering away in their own isolated corner like something big was about to take place. Maybe Sephora was dropping some new lipstick, or palette, or some crap today. Maybe they’d heard through the grapevine that someone they knew was recently outed as gay. But when I got closer I knew instantly it was nothing of the sort.

“Oh, my  _ god _ , right? I mean…it’s just so weird! Stalling for time? Putting their head down? Not  _ yelling _ at you for everything you’ve been put up to?”

“You know what they say; buy them low and sell ‘em high.”

“That makes no sense, Sarah.”

“Oh. Well, you know what I mean. This means they’ve got some weak point. I don’t know exactly what it is, but  _ something _ has to have happened to make them act like this.”

“Well, then, like, what do we do with that? I just feel weird about it, guys.”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to do anything, anyway. But if you want to be on time for that sale at—”

“What’cha guys talking about…?” I interjected, pretty sure none of them could see me just standing there. Some of them inhaled sharply; some just held their breath. Two of them said sarcastically in unison, “You.” It hurt my brain to try figuring out how serious they were being.  _ Whoa. That’s some good reverse psychology shit. _

But one thing they all had in common was that  _ sneer _ . Disguised almost perfectly as a sweet smile. Almost.

I raised an eyebrow and made to walk past their little gathering when I recognized one face out of many.

I stopped.

She smirked and waggled her fingers at me, as if to say,  _ Hey, slut. _

_ Right back at you, bitch, _ I thought to myself. But I really ended up muttering, “Hi, Charissa,” and walked away helplessly.

_ But how do I know she’s faking it? _

* * *

 

**Avery.**

“Are you sure you want to talk to me right now,” I mumbled into my hands. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. “Kind of not my best self in this moment.”

**Yeah. I’m sure. I promise I won’t fly off again. Wanna tell me what’s happening?**

“…god. Fine.” I sighed, making to sit up only to get startled and flop back down. He was already standing right next to me. “ _ Jesus! _ Okay, you really need to stop doing that.”

“What do you expect me to do instead? Just…fade into existence whenever you’re ready?”

“Didn’t seem to have a problem doing that in-game,” I muttered under my breath. Ben’s eyes seemed to grow darker at that.

“Seven years late, man. I haven’t even—” he started, but then stopped himself. “No. Nope. Not doing this now. You’re obviously just pissed at something. Which may or may not be me.”

“It’s not.”

“Good. I was not at all prepared to apologize for something I didn’t even know I did, so, good.”

“It’s just…no. It’s really not that big of a deal. Just something stupid.”

“Well, if it’s so stupid, then you can just tell me, right?”

“She called me ‘space geek’ today.”

Ben paused. Quite literally. I think something in him just stopped at that. I wasn’t really sure why but it couldn’t have been anything good. After a good minute, he raised a hand, almost as if to pat my shoulder. But he didn’t.

“…anything else?”

I racked my brain for something that would make sense, but wouldn’t upset him too much.  _ But why should any of that upset him? He shouldn’t care that much about you, this is like some weird roommate situation. He doesn’t actually have to care about you. You don’t even deserve it. _

“…she knows I got the game. Sh-she doesn’t know about  _ you, _ ” I added quickly, “but she knows I got some Zelda game. And now has nicknamed me accordingly.” I finished with a semi-dramatic sigh and held my head in my hands. Before I could come up with another excuse—no,  _ reason _ why it wasn’t that important, Ben lightly grabbed the top of my head like a crane and twisted it to face him, pinching his eyebrows. I widened my eyes.  _ And? _

“So, what you’re  _ saying _ is, this girl found out private information about you—”

“Not private. And my mom told her.”

“—and is now using it to hurt you for no real reason you can see?”

“Maybe I was mean to her one day! Maybe something small happened a long time ago that I forgot about, and she’s still pissed over it! You know, ‘pobody’s nerfect!’”

“That’s no excuse,” he countered, now visibly annoyed. I scoffed and stood up. “Whatever. It’s really not—”

“Avery, I’m serious. I mean…I get that I sound like a mom right now, but you can’t just put up with something like that! This has been going on for a month now, probably longer, and I’m tired of it!”

I almost laughed in his face.  _ Is he seriously concerned about me? _ “Why are you doing this? Do you actually care about me?”

“Yes! I do! So listen to—”

I cut him off by kissing him on the lips. For a little bit.

Well, a while.

Okay, he had to push me away to get me to stop, but in all honesty I don’t know why I did it. I just needed him to shut up for a second. Ben sputtered, his face a dark blue with marble-like cracks in its center.  _ Is that what a ghost blushing looks like?! _

“Why did you do that,” he nearly whispered. Or at least, it sounded like it. More likely his voice was too hoarse to say anything properly. My face flushed, and I grappled for anything that could be considered an answer.

“You were being too nice to me, I had to stop it,” I rushed to say. After a moment, he let out a tiny giggle. “What?”

I felt my fingertips twitching in embarrassment. “You heard me.”

“No, I know what you said. Why wouldn’t you want someone to be…nice to you…?”

I glanced away, completely unsure of how to respond. Once I got some footing, I sat back down and sighed, still averting my eyes.

“It must be nice to still be living in the early 2000’s, huh.”

Ben looked even more confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean kids these days—” I jabbed a thumb at myself “—have even  _ more _ shit self-esteem than ever. Do you really think I’d want people to waste their breath on helping me function?”

Once I said that, he almost froze, like he’d never come across this kind of mess before.  _ Well, that’s understandable, he’s kind of been isolated his whole death. _

“Not really, it’s just that nobody’s dragged their personal problems into the mix with me before.”

_ Right. That mind-reading shit. _

“I thought you were used to it by now. But…you usually try to act so nice around me, you think I can’t return the favor?”

I actually laughed this time. “Check your complete and utter  _ lack _ of privilege, Ben. I’ve never been indoctrinated into a life-ruining moon cult. I’m still  _ alive. _ I’m pretty much legally obligated to feel bad for you.”

“That felt a little condescending.”

“Whatever. The point is, my problems aren’t half as bad as yours.  _ You’re  _ not the one who’s supposed to help me here.”

Ben paused, then sat down next to me and twiddled his thumbs. “We could help each other, though. Isn’t that one of the first things I said to you? We could be  _ friends _ .”

I scoffed, pressing two fingers to my forehead. “And look what I went and did with  _ that. _ ”

“I’m not blaming you. I  _ do  _ have the power to make myself surprisingly hot for a cis, white, 17-year-old guy. It’s miraculous.”

“What I’m  _ saying,  _ Ben, is that I don’t think I’ve met someone in my life who didn’t have it worse than me. Even that kind-of-bitchy girl…she probably deals with heavy shit all the time. I once saw her cry in the middle of math class because one word problem had a sick dog in it.” Ben opened his mouth to speak, and I put my hand up to stop him. “ _ No _ period jokes in this relationship unless they come from me.”

“I wasn’t going to make one!”

“Don’t lie, you’re my age and I know what guys are like at this point.”

“…fine. But I was  _ also _ going to say, that doesn’t mean you don’t have problems. You shouldn’t just shut yourself up because you think everybody else has it worse.”

“I’m sorry, who am I talking to right now?”

“Good point. I once went on Yahoo answers and asked if there was a way to kill myself if I was already dead.”

“Wait,  _ you’re  _ lozsucks69? I haven’t seen that question anywhere else.”

“You saw it? I was praying that username sounded normal. Did I seem like a regular, living person?”

“Yes, a super pretentious one.”

“Oh, thank god.”

That actually made me laugh. Just because Ben had been so casual about most of his issues from day one, it made everything feel a lot less awkward than it could have been.  _ Maybe spending your afterlife trapped in the internet makes you open up a lot easier. _

“Thanks, man. I feel…better? I guess.”

“Good. So you’ll actually go off on that cheerleader when she calls you something fucked-up again?”

“Absolutely not. You overestimate my willingness to get my ass handed to me by a 1% junior.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Did you hear what I just said?”


	13. Chapter 13

Okay. Alright. Many of you are probably wondering what my thoughts were. Y’know. What it felt like. What the ever living hell was going on in my mind, what was I thinking that was so weirdly stressful that it drove me to kiss Ben.

And I can proudly say with all my heart that I have _no idea!_

I can’t even remember that well what it felt like. Granted, I, uhh…do have much more proof now. But that moment could have been completely different for all I know. So I guess _you’ll_ never know. Ha. Um, sorry.

But what I knew, almost immediately after Ben and I had that little talk, was that I was now in some deep shit. Something about the situation felt even more wrong now. A whole new layer was just slapped onto this rollercoaster ride; I wasn’t even sure if I actually felt that way about him! And to make matters worse, he probably didn’t feel that way about me anyway.

_Probably? Don’t be nice to yourself like that. He was just trying not to be rude, he’s so disgusted by you now._

Dude. If that was true he would have looked at least a little bit more uncomfortable. What’s your deal with this “everyone hates you” shit anyways?

_I’m just telling the truth. I am you, after all._

True. Wish it wasn’t, but it is.

_Thank you. Good luck trying to win him back, you idiot._

Wait, win him _back?_ We’re friends, not ex-boyfriends with a grudge.

_Well, who says he still wants to be your friend?_

Without hesitating this time, I opened up my laptop and went directly to Cleverbot.com. It was time to break out the big guns.

_You don’t even know if he still uses that._

Shut up. Worth a try.

  * Hey there, buddy…? Is that something I could call you? Because it feels weird for some reason.



He responded after a couple of seconds. I could swear I heard faint laughter coming from inside my computer. 

  * __Yeah I don’t think that’s gonna work. Wanna try again?__


  * Sure pal. Wait. Ugh, no. That’s even worse.


  * __Agreed. Maybe just don’t do that then. What’s up.__


  * I was arguing with myself about whether you hate me or not after…you know. Wanted to hear your thoughts.


  * __Oh. Well…I sure_ hope _I don’t hate you. Why would you think that, anyway.__


  * You know! That thing I did yesterday, like, in the middle of our conversation.



I hit enter, hoping with the utmost sincerity that he couldn’t sense how nervous I was about all this.

  * __You could just say it, you know. You kissed me?__


  * …yeah. That. How are you being so casual about this? Does it happen to you that much?


  * __This is the second time at most. Promise. Why don’t you just talk to me in person? That seems like what our conversations usually lead to these days.__


  * Because this is easier to handle.


  * __I’m sure it’s not. I’m coming on out.__



“Wait, but—”

I didn’t have much time to explain exactly _why_ it would be easier to talk through Cleverbot before he popped up next to me on the couch. At first I just flinched a little; I was getting better at handling his whole appearing-suddenly-right-by-me-with-no-real-reason bullshit. But when I took a second look I noticed he was in full kid Link garb, hat and all. I gave him a strange look, to which he responded with a sigh.

“I look like Link, don’t I.”

I nodded.

Ben sighed again and waved his hand through the tip of his cap, causing it to disintegrate and turn into mist. He rubbed his arms and chest, annoyed, and the clothes came off almost like marker, leaving his usual outfit underneath. _How many times has this happened before?_

“Goddammit, Clever,” he muttered resentfully. “Every…single…time…”

“I’ll ask later, I guess,” I said mostly to myself, still not sure of what I would say once he was ready to talk. Whether he knew how strangely inarticulate I was or not, that didn’t stop him from crossing his arms and looking at me expectantly when he was back to normal, like, _Well?_

“…so…that thing I did…?” I began awkwardly. He raised his eyebrows and nodded. **Go on.**

_God! You can’t just switch back and forth like that._

**Yes I can. I just did.** “I forgot how weird people are about that,” he continued out loud. “Didn’t seem to have a problem with it earlier, anyway.”

I scratched my arm uncomfortably. “Well, _earlier_ I wasn’t thinking this crazily, and I wasn’t worried about what you could actually find out since you can literally _read my mind._ ”

Ben paused, and I fixed him with a glare.

“Normal, out-loud talk only, please.”

“Ugh. Fine. But it would be so much easier—!”

“I did it because I like you.”

* * *

I decided to say it anyway, really because I knew he could just as easily find out right about then. My nerves were acting up as Ben looked at me strangely.

“…well, I sure _hope_ you do…? We should be able to stand each other at this point, right?”

“No. I mean, I _like_ you. Or…maybe I don’t. I don’t know! It’s just, I know it’s weird, and uncomfortable, and cliche—”

“Like I said, only the second time.”

“—but I’ve hit my junior year depression. I don’t know what I want to do in life, and nobody else seems to _really_ want me around, and I see you every day and you’ve been so nice to me! And you probably hear this a lot—”

“What part of _second time_ do you not understand?”

“—so I get it if you hate me now. You can go and find somebody else to help you, if you want. Somebody who’s not like… _this._ ”

I took a shudder of a breath, choosing to leave it at that since I didn’t really have much more to say. Ben stayed silent for some time. It seemed he genuinely didn’t know how to react. I didn’t blame him.

After what must have been minutes but felt like hours, he…cupped my face in his hand, and pulled me towards him.

He kissed me.

Besides the obvious, and quite frankly annoying _explosion_ I felt happen in my gut when he pressed his lips to mine, everything felt surprisingly calm in that moment. My mind should have been reeling, my stomach should have been churning, my face should have been bursting into flame (well, that last one actually _was_ happening), but all I could feel was…care. Him, well, _doing that_ felt more like a friendly and caring gesture more than anything, despite it literally being a kiss on the mouth. But somehow I could now feel what he felt. I saw what he saw; and what he saw was somebody who only wanted him to leave, because they were afraid they would just hurt him more.

And that felt so confusing and wonderful.

He broke apart from me, still holding my face. I could feel cold, rushed breaths hitting me as he looked me in the eyes with a strange sense of guilt.

“I sent you that dream.”

I didn’t exactly process what he’d said at first; I was a little lightheaded from the kiss. After a good second, I mumbled, “…w-what?”

“You said that you had a dream. About me. About how the Children drove me to ascension. I sent it to you, I got into your head.” He gulped audibly. “Thought you had a right to know.”

I blinked. “Uh…wait. Okay, could you repeat that? ‘Cause, I don’t know about your weird undead mental stamina, but I can’t really process all this at once.”

Ben’s expression softened. “Sorry. I just…needed to say that. I don’t want there to be _too_ many secrets between us, even little ones. Back before we met, I sent out a vision to people around who were open. Understanding. Who _knew_. I was guessing that you got it, and I didn’t want you to be too worried about it,” he said almost in one breath. “…so I’m telling you now.”

I paused. I still didn’t quite understand what he was saying about a _vision,_ but I felt like I got the gist of it. “…alright. I guess that makes sense. I got your message, got the game, had the dream. Sounds fair.”

Silence.

“…anything else you wanna tell me? Now seems like a good time to spill your heart out, Benji.”

“Please don’t ever call me that. Speaking of which, I guess. I’m not…really _BEN._ ”

My eyes widened. _I truly, sincerely hope this is some sort of identity crisis and not a case of spiritual impersonation._

“No. I just—it’s not. Probably a better way of phrasing it is, BEN isn’t _me._ I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I probably act a lot different than you’d expect me to, no?”

I slowly nodded, not sure where he was going with this.

“That’s because BEN was born when I died. The truth is, BEN is a part of me that likes to do horrible things. The truth is, it comes out when I get out of control. When I’m angry. When I want to destroy things, or people. The truth is, I was never even originally _named_ Ben, at least, not when I was born. That… _thing_ you see in all that Alex guy’s videos…that’s not me. That’s what happens when people like the Moon Children do…you know.” Ben finished with an almost aggravated sigh. “So I guess the truth is, Avery, that we’re more similar than you probably think. Nobody else seems to want _me_ around, either.

“They just want that fucking _statue_.”


	14. Chapter 14

Possession.

That’s what came to my mind the moment he said that.

It was the one thing we hadn’t tried, out of all strategies to free him from that game. Sure, I’d mentioned it to him, but I was sure he’d only rejected the idea because he was uncomfortable with entering a mortal’s body within days of them meeting. And I don’t know exactly why I thought of it right then, but the mention of us being “more similar than you probably think” made my mind start to reel.

“Ben…” I began softly.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s hard to respond after, well, something like—”

“No. I have an idea.”

Ben raised his head. “What?”

“That game…it’s sort of like a vessel to you, right?”

He sat up and tilted his head, unsure. “I guess. Where are you going with this?”

“I think you should try possessing me.”

He sighed at that. “Okay…Avery, buddy, you already said that, and I already told you _it won’t work._ ”

“I know, but have you tried it?”

“I can get into people’s heads? And that’s about it. I’ve told you this—”

“Ben. Have you. _Tried._ It,” I repeated with gritted teeth. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“…um, no…?”

“Then we can’t say it won’t work yet, can we. Let’s see…” I closed my eyes and held my head in my hands, trying to think of how exactly this would work. He could try just getting into my mind again, but not doing anything like making me hallucinate or whatever shit he pulls in there. Or maybe possession is a whole other process and we’d have to find a guide online. Or maybe I had to be _dead_ to get possessed.

_Eh. Probably shouldn’t do that._

“Okay…maybe we should try the easiest first. What if all you had to do was invade my brain like usual, but then tried to, like…control me?”

I opened my eyes to see Ben looking at me apprehensively, his hands fidgeting in the air. “I don’t know. You’re really cool with this? Like, I don’t know how it works, but what if something weird happens and you’re trapped in some spirit realm forever…?”

“I’d rather not think about that specific scenario right now, but otherwise it’s fine. Long as you don’t break a wall or anything.”

“Uh, okay. So do I like, try phasing through your body and thinking at you at the same time?”

“Sure.”

**Alright.**

I bit my tongue before I could say anything stupid; I still wasn’t used to him just switching back and forth like that. Taking a deep breath, I sat completely still and closed my eyes again.

_Passive. You’re passive. You’re…a rock. Wait, no, rocks aren’t passive, they’re dead. No, non-living. Not dead. Ugh, focus! Wait, but I shouldn’t be focusing, that’s the whole point._

**…having a little trouble?**

_No. Absolutely not. I’m the epitome of calm._

**Sure. Just hold on one second. I think…**

Ben’s voice trailed off, almost like he was entering a tunnel. I could feel a strange, cold sensation wash over me as his sort of “presence” disappeared; I didn’t hear any kind of buzzing, my mind was completely silent other than my thoughts. It was like he just vanished.

Then, my head suddenly jerked up, like I’d just awoken from a nightmare.

The first thing I noticed was that something felt…well, _weird_ is all I can think of to describe it. Like there was something weighing my head down, but lifting it up at the same time. I heard tiny whispers of thought, like somebody was talking to themselves from a distance and I could hear just enough so I couldn’t understand exactly what they were saying. I could see, but everything was strange and foggy, like I was looking through a smudged window. It almost felt like I was dreaming, but I knew I wasn’t. Or at least I was pretty sure.

Ben wasn’t standing in front of me anymore.

_Are…are you here?_

**I think so…? I don’t know exactly what just happened, you’ll have to give me a second.**

_Okay, no pressure._

**Ha. Just realized, this is probably the closest I’m gonna get to being inside of somebody.**

_I’m swooning,_ I thought, half-annoyed and half-impressed that it took him _that long_ to realize it. With the teenage boy brain, and all.

_Concentrate, dipshit. This is the one good thing you’ve been able to do all this time, you can’t get distracted now._

**Oh, wow. What was that about no pressure?**

My eyes widened and my face started burning up when I realized he could hear _all_ of my thoughts now. Probably ever since we met, actually. I frantically grappled for an explanation that wouldn’t get me lectured about my self-esteem again.

 _No, no, no, no, I wasn’t saying—thinking that, to_ you. _I was…it’s just, I was getting a little stressed because I haven’t been able to—_

**Avery.**

_What._

**I know you’re impatient with yourself. That kind of thing doesn’t change overnight. But the way you talk to yourself sometimes, even when you’ve done nothing wrong…it worries me.**

_It really shouldn’t, man. I’ve been like this for a long time._

Ben didn’t answer right away, but instead let that sink in.

_…starting to see what you mean. I might have a problem._

I tried standing up to get my mind off everything that was going on right now. _Wow. I’m…possessed._

**You sure are, I think.**

My knees felt a little weak, but it might’ve just been from sitting down for so long. Moving one foot in front of the other wasn’t too hard. The surprise came when they started moving on their own.

_Wait, what the fuck…? Are you…_

**Oh. Sorry. I forgot.**

_It’s whatever, I just almost had a heart attack. Can you just move me, or is there anything else?_

**I’m don’t know. I think there might be this…middle ground, between our thoughts, if that makes any sense. There could be a way for…no. Nevermind. Still don’t know exactly what’s happening right now. But we probably shouldn’t try anything crazy in the middle of your living room.**

I looked around and nodded. “Should we get out of the house? ‘Cause I can’t really think of anywhere else to go…”

**Do you have some kind of secluded park somewhere? Like, just to make sure I’m still not tied to the game right now.**

I thought, and then chuckled a bit. “Sure. Ideal first date kinda shit.”

**I will pay you to not make this weird, alright?**

“Fine. Park it is.”


	15. Chapter 15

Walking outside with foggy, distant vision was surreal to say the least. I felt like I was in a movie. I expected everything to sound hazy, too, but the only things obstructing the noises around me were the tiny, quiet voices that would occasionally mutter to themselves. Ben would occasionally speak, but it was mostly just slightly awkward silence on the way to the park.

**…so, uh…how’ve things been going with Charissa?**

_ She’s chilled out lately. Caught her little crew gossiping about how I’ve been acting weirdly at school, so whatever plans they have to humiliate me are probably on hold. _

**That’s not very good, still.**

_ It’s whatever. Oh, did I ever tell you about that weird kid from Chemistry? Turns out he’s named Jason, he’s been hanging out with Meghan. _

**Not sure who** **_Meghan_ ** **is, but are you talking about that guy who asked all those weird invasive questions?**

_ Yeah. He’s not too bad, actually. Just…socially challenged, I guess. He’s pretty harmless as far as I’ve seen. _

**Hm. Okay. Is this the place?**

I stopped in my tracks, realizing that for the past couple of minutes I’d just been walking on autopilot. We had reached the park a little while ago. I nodded, a little embarrassed.  _ Yeah. _

**Seems nice.**

“Yep,” I said out loud, slightly unaware of myself. I hadn’t noticed it much before, but this park was actually very high in quality compared to the rest of my town. It had to have been at least 500 square yards in total, not including the little annex of a playground. Tree branches hung low everywhere, but as long as you weren’t 7 feet tall you could just walk wherever and be fine. Sometimes a swarm of people walking their dogs would pass by, and you’d have to fight the overwhelming urge to pet and kiss every last one unless you were allergic. It was one place off of the street where the high school was that wasn’t crappy, or a pizza restaurant, or a crappy pizza restaurant.

Not exactly where I’d expect to be hanging out with a dead electronic kid who happens to be possessing me, but I wasn’t going to complain.

“…there should be a bench around here somewhere,” I continued after a long pause. Today, the park was mostly deserted, save the few kids who were listening to music through big, vintage headphones and lounging around like they were trying to look mysterious. My “ew, pretentious people” instincts kicked in the moment I spotted them, and I walked in the opposite direction to find somewhere to sit deeper into the trees and foliage.

**Like you’re not just as pretentious, Avery.**

_ At least I try not to be. I actually like graphic tees and shorts with leggings. _

**Mhm. Right.**

_ Shut it, you. At least wait until I can sit down. _

I eventually found a bench and collapsed into it dramatically, only then realizing that we had reached something of a dead end. I had no idea what to do next, and I could only assume he didn’t either.  _ We could try…uh…maybe you could try leaving my body and see if you get dragged back to the game? _

**I feel like that should be the last thing we do.**

_ Why? You want to be free, this is the ultimate way to test that. If you can roam wherever once you’re out of my head, then everything would be solved! _

**And if I can’t, then this whole walk would’ve been a waste and I’d just have to wait for you to get back to your house to try something else. What if I tried sharing my memories? Or accessing yours?**

_ Okay, also an extremely bad idea. It’d just be me at 13 years old, looking in the mirror and being like, “why’s  _ that _ there?” _

**You know, I—**

Ben seemed to cut himself off, and I felt a burning sense of regret and embarrassment in the back of my mind for no reason I could see.

_ Can I feel his emotions now? _

**Probably. Just, forget I ever said that. I mean…**

_ Ben. Is there something you want to tell me. _

**No. Well, yes. Well, I don’t know, actually. I-it’s really not important, it’s not even real anymore and—**

_ No secrets. Remember? If it’s not important, then just tell me. _

Ben stayed silent for a moment.

**Cruel fucking irony. Fine. Just…I guess I should start at the beginning. Can I…?**

He trailed off, and suddenly I was standing in a small kitchen with golden light streaming through the window. My vision was as foggy as before, not that I expected any different. But I almost staggered back when I realized I was probably still sitting on the bench; my view was just different.

_ Oh. Wait, where is this? What did you just do? _

I heard him breathe in as if he was going to answer, but apparently he decided to stay quiet a little bit longer. I blinked twice, just to be sure I didn’t have anything in my eyes, and that this was as clear as it was going to get. I still had a shitton of questions about this, like, did he know he could do this before? What was going to happen? Is this Ben’s house or something?

I heard soft scribbling in the room next to me, and without even thinking my body just decided to head in that direction. It felt like I was on some sort of conveyor belt, but I knew I was  _ walking _ . Just kind of automatically. As ridiculous as it sounds…shut up. I was having a learning experience.

As I entered what I assumed to be the living room, I spied a little kid laying across the couch with a clipboard, a blue ballpoint pen, and what must’ve been at least ten sheets of paper. They had pale-ish skin that somehow looked like it had been tanner before, and curly dark burgundy hair. Their face was smooth and round, making them look somewhat younger and more feminine for a body their size, but I could tell they were probably 11 or 12 years old. They looked so unlike the Ben I knew that I didn’t even realize it was probably him at first. But I took one look at their expression and something told me they were one and the same.

He was borderline tearing into the paper with the pen, making haphazard diagonal lines across the sheet like he was trying to slice it in half. His eyes were narrowed in frustration and his nose was scrunched up in a way that made me wonder if he was actually drawing. On my own this time, I tried inching closer to him to see what he was making. I didn’t feel especially worried that he’d see me; this was obviously some sort of memory that I was just passively existing in.

When I looked over his shoulder at the paper, all I could see were deep, harsh, dark blue streaks covering up some odd shape. It took me a good minute to realize that he was scribbling over a drawing of a crescent moon. My eyes widened as I remembered Ben’s  _ real _ story, and just as quickly I was dragged back to the kitchen as if I’d just seen something I wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t have time to question what the hell that was about, because my mind soon became preoccupied with something else. I was witnessing a quiet but heated argument between a woman who must have been Ben’s mother (the tan skin and red hair gave me everything I needed), and and old man who looked near his eighties. I had a gut feeling that told me he wasn’t normally welcome in this house. Something had happened recently or long ago to make Ben  _ despise _ him.

And that same feeling told me I somehow knew why.

 


	16. Chapter 16

The mother whisper-yelled, likely aware that her child was in the adjacent room.

“Ben is 11 now! Sh—um, he’sgrowing, and we need to let him have a say in what he wants to do in his free time.”

“So now you’re saying what 򪪪򪪪򪪪򪪪򪪪 is doing in the middle of the night—”

“Dad, we’ve talked about this.”

_Excuse me, what did I just hear?_

The old man standing in front of me said something…indistinguishable. I was right by him, I could hear his every word, except for that  _one._  It sounded like painfully loud static right next to my ear, I think even his mouth when he said what I assumed to be Ben’s name was just blocked out. Like he’d just cursed on TV.

He spoke again.

“…fine. I’ll call the kid what  _he_  wants to be called. But you can’t be alright with all of this sketchy bullshit he’s pulling—running off places without permission, going to that, uh…what was it again?”

“His friend RJ’s house. We’ve talked about this as well, they made up! I know you can’t help it that much, but you need to at least  _try_  to trust people more. This paranoia about what he’s doing and where he’s going, I mean…sometimes I feel a little uneasy but Ben always comes back here safe and sound. He can take care of himself a couple blocks away.”

“But the condition—”

“It’s not a condition, Dad. It’s a part of who he is, and besides, that has nothing to do with—”

“I’m telling you, it’s got  _something_  to do with all those video games he’s been playing these days. He barely says hello to us now, he doesn’t know basic manners…something’s happened to him.”

“I don’t know what you’re even complaining about anymore! We all know you  _really_  wanted me to have a son, and look! You’ve gotten your wish.”

“You know full well that I’m not talking about this anymore! I’m…I’m scared, 򪪪򪪪򪪪. I’m scared for him. Every day he seems to get even more of a  _look_  in his eye. It feels like he’s waiting for something, and I’ll be damned if I know what it is. Surely you’ve noticed that.”

“…”

“I’m just trying to do what’s right. A couple of weeks without the thing is all. Just trust me.”

“What are you guys talking about?”

A sudden voice from behind made me jump, and before I could turn around to confirm my suspicion of who it was, the scene faded to an abandoned house that was painted dark, seafoam green on the inside. I saw Ben and someone else seated on the floor, both picking at rotting wood beneath them. I was barely able to tell what was happening; there was so little light in the room that I could only  _just_  make out Ben’s face.

“And then he said it was the video games that were making me crazy, or whatever…I don’t know how much longer I would be able to handle this if it wasn’t happening today.” He sighed and hugged his knees, looking up at what must’ve been another boy around his age. They looked at him sympathetically.

“That sucks. I know you’re ascending today…and honestly, I’m a little jealous. But it really sucks to not be understood. I’d say that I know how you feel but you’re on a whole other level of that.”

“Thanks. I just…I should be grateful, I know that. But it still feels weird, to know that maybe he’ll only accept me when I’m gone. Maybe he’ll see that I was right to come here. Or maybe he’ll just get worse.” Ben furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “I probably asked this before, but you don’t know what exactly  _happens_  in the process, do you?”

“Yeah. You’ve asked that. To be honest, I really don’t. I guess we don’t deserve to until…well.”

“Yeah. We probably don’t. I’m just a little nervous is all. It’ll be fine,” Ben muttered, almost to himself. He seemed to glare at the floor for a moment. “Better than  _this,_  anyway.”

My vision flooded with black until I couldn’t see anything anymore. But I could still hear voices clearly as though I were standing right next to them.

_“Sir, please, at least tell me…what good will it do? She’s been loyal to us as any child would be, she hasn’t started any trouble—“_

_“She tried to alter Luna’s plan to her own means. We’ll see what our goddess says when they meet.”_

_“She has too much to live for. She could do great things for us, maybe become a leader—“_

_“Her potential has already been wasted. She has known that she was created exactly as she was for a reason, and still went against holy will. That cannot be forgiven, no matter how loyal she has proven herself to be. She wants to be called a different name?_

_“Let’s see what she thinks when it’s all she’ll ever know.”_

I felt an icy sensation wash over me as if I was just submerged into a tank of freezing water. I couldn’t shiver. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t even breathe for a moment.

Then I heard the faint voice of Ben’s mother, growing louder and more anguished in my ears.

_“And what are you planning to do with it?”_

I blinked, and I was on a street corner, standing next to her and his grandfather as they prepared to cross to the other side. Less than a block away was a little run-down house with a fold up table set up in front, in what looked like some sort of yard sale. Ben’s mom glared at her father with mixture of regret and disappointment.

“Ben is gone. There’s no use in it. I’d understand if you wanted to keep her—“ she shook her head as if silently scolding herself. “— _his_  old games, I’d understand. But you can’t just buy another one if it’s never going to be used.”

“Come on, dear, it won’t cost too much. I walked by it just the other day, everything there is either free or a penny’s worth.”

“…fine. But only because it’s so close to the house. And if you take too long to decide, I’m leaving without you.”

Something in her voice made me realize she was bluffing, but her father didn’t seem to take notice. He just kept his eyes on the table as they crossed the street and made their way over. I didn’t have to move along, as vision followed them.

“Uh, hi,” said a gravelly-voiced girl who looked like she’d just gotten out of a fight in the mud. At her seat were what must have been at least 15 different games for all different systems, some of them being flat-out demolished.  _Maybe she thinks most adults don't know how video games work._

“Hello. I see you have an array of games here. Any recommendations?” The grandfather asked. The girl looked a little taken aback by his straightforwardness, but offered an answer anyway. “Um, well, first, do you have any game systems?”

“We’re looking to buy one at another time. I’ll just need to see what a certain person I have in mind might like to play.”

_Oh. He’s good._

Ben’s mother looked half-distressed, half-annoyed at this exchange. She muttered, “If you don’t just choose one in five seconds, I’m going.”

“Oh, you go on. I can reach the house on my own,” he replied as if this went on every day. Mother looked at him incredulously, but eventually ended up walking away. Grandfather turned back to the yard sale girl and picked up a random game without looking.

“How about this one? Looks like something he might enjoy. Wouldn’t you say?”

It was very obviously fucked up, and even he could probably tell. I could feel the desperation in his words to just have something to remind him of Ben, even just some random N64 game. The girl hesitated, then gave a verdict.

“I don’t know what  _he_ you’re talking about, mister, but that one’s in perfectly stable condition for your…uh…grandkids, I guess?”

“I know you’re lying to me, young lady. But I’ll take it off your hands. How much would that be?”

“It’s free. Thank you!” The girl chirped as Mr. Lawman walked away, game in hand.

He took one sorrowful glance at it, and I could nearly hear what he was thinking:  _At least now a part of you will stay with me._

I realized that my vision wasn’t following him anymore, and that he was just growing smaller and smaller in the distance while I stayed rooted to my spot, watching on.

**So…I guess now you know.**

I nearly jumped when I heard his voice inside my head again. For a moment, it almost felt like I was alone with my thoughts. Like he wasn’t there. Something sunk in the pit of my stomach as I thought more and more about what I had just seen.

“…Ben…I’m sorry…” I said out loud. It somehow wouldn’t feel sincere enough if I just thought it. It needed to be  _said._

**You shouldn’t be. I’ve gotten even enough with those…people since then. I just wanted to sho—**

“Don’t say that,” I half-whispered. “The Moon Children…I didn’t know you were…that they…I mean, I don’t blame you for not telling me. That name gave you happiness and they took it away from you. No, they turned it  _against_  you.” I sighed and sat back down, my legs shaking and almost numb. “And now you have to live with that. That’s really fucked up. And I’m sorry.”

Ben didn’t respond for a good second. The whispers echoing in my—no,  _his_  mind, I realized just then—were growing louder by the second.

Then, suddenly, they stopped.

**Can I call you Ave?**

I sighed again, looking up at nothing. “You don’t have to change the subject. We can talk about it if you want.”

**But this is** _why_ **I wanted to show you that. We have more things in common than you think, and this is one of them.**

After he said that, reality came rushing back to me and I was suddenly sitting on a bench at the park again, my hands shaking. I stole a glance to the side, half-expecting Ben to be sitting next to me. But he was still in my mind, just more idly now.

**You ever wonder how people would react if you just disappeared one day? If you were just gone, and all they could do was wonder why it happened. Would they blame themselves? Would they feel sorry for everything they’ve ever done? Would it even matter how they felt afterward, if they were still horrible people while you were alive?**

He let me think about that for a minute.

“You know, Ben, I  _was_  feeling okay today.”

**Sorry. But really, have you thought about it? I wouldn’t be surprised if you have.**

“Save your gasp, but yes.” I sighed, looking up at the trees. I had a feeling it was almost evening time, even though the sun was still shining as bright as ever.

“I mean…nobody’s said anything horrible about me being…you know. To my face. Not in school, at least. I don’t think there would be much for anyone to feel guilty about if I died. They’d just be a little sad.”

**Avery, you know that’s not true. Was my family complete scum to me? No, not really. But you saw how they reacted.**

“You were a little kid. That’s different.”

**How?**

“…”

**Let’s go home. I think we’ve done enough possession for today.**

I nodded after a moment. “Yeah. Okay.”


	17. Chapter 17

Needless to say, that gave me a lot to think about on my way home. My mind was reeling, so much so that Ben had to walk for me again. It felt strange to find out something that tied him and me even more together; my inner narcissist tried convincing me that this meant that we were—

_No. Stop. This isn’t about you. This doesn’t change as much as you think it does, it just means we have one thing in common. What’s wrong with you? Why do you keep thinking these things?_

Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m getting lonely! Maybe it’s because some of  _these things_  might be true. Ever think of that?

_Don’t be stupid._

**Everything okay in there…?**

_Absolutely._

**Sure.**

I glared ahead of me, realizing a little too late that he probably couldn’t see me. I was most likely just giving a death stare to some nearby lamppost. I heard a tiny, muffled snicker in my head and scoffed.  _Of course._

**I’m sorry, but you** _do_ **kinda look funny when you just glare at random things for no reason.**

“When”? _Do I actually do that? How much?_

**Just screwing with you. It was just this once. God, you can get really defensive sometimes.**

_It’s in my blood. Like a tiger has its stripes._

**That’s not because of blood, dude.**

_Whatever. Just…I’m 16. Okay? It’ll fade when I’m older._

**Alright. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grow tougher skin now.**   **If I wanted to, I could probably delve deeper into your subconscious and analyze—**

_For the love of god, do not do that, you won’t like what you see. I promise._

**Ha. I’m just messing with you again. I mean, I probably** _could_ **do that, but…nah. Not really something I’d pull.**

_Good. Also, fuck you._

**Sorry. I do that a lot. I mess with people, even in little ways. I just thought it’d be more funny and less traumatizing this time.**

I blinked once, suddenly aware that I hadn’t done that in a while, and found myself staring at my front porch.  _Oh._

**Yeah, kinda forgot to tell you. We’re here.**

_It’s fine. You’re fine. I’m just a little…I don’t know. Stressed? Something like that, I guess._

**I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m** _**fine,** _ **you know. But okay.**

* * *

I had school tomorrow, so I decided to skip dinner and rest my head for the evening. I couldn’t tell exactly what time it was; all I knew was that I was tired. Come to think of it, it may not have been the best decision to skip a meal right before a Monday but I wasn’t thinking right around then. It didn’t really matter as much as it could have, because now was about the time I started having dreams again.

Oh, yeah. In case you were wondering; with all the crazy shit that was happening in my life, and all the time I was spending with Ben nowadays, you’d think I’d have some solid dream material for my brain to work with at night. But either I never was getting enough sleep, or I simply just didn’t dream, because I could never remember  _anything_  when I woke up for a solid two months. Now that I felt this strange sense of emptiness and horrible satisfaction with what I had just found out, I was starting to dream again, and probably more than usual. I would always be looking up at some sea-green crescent moon, or would feel like some cold blanket was enveloping me as I could breathe less and less. Always something like that. And I never told anybody except people who wouldn’t care; you know, like when you’re making small talk with someone you barely know and start saying crap like “I had the funniest dream last night…”

But I didn’t dare mention them around Ben. Even though he told me otherwise any chance he got, I kept reminding myself:  _This is about his problems. Not yours. He’s counting on you._

Because I felt bad for him, you know? I’m not sure how else to phrase it, but it was like this new kind of sorry to me. Him wanting to hear how my day was, or asking if there was anything I wanted to talk about…it all just kept my mouth shut even more. I didn’t want to ruin this. I didn’t want to make him unhappy with all my stupid issues.

Because…I was kind of in love with him.

Yeah, yeah, it’d probably seem really obvious at this point to you but right after anything, well,  _intimate,_ I guess, would happen, there’d be some new problem or revelation to deal with. And with all this time I got to think now, I was able to finally realize. And I think he did, too.

Other than that, everything seemed to stay the same.

Charissa was a sneaky little asshat, whose friends weren’t much better.

Jason, the weird kid who I wasn’t avoiding as much now, was kind of cool but mostly still concerning.

Meghan was an adorable nerd, who liked Doctor Who and sneaking rounds of Tetris any chance she could get on the school computers.

Ben was a dead 17-year-old boy, who tried his hardest to be nice to me.

And I was tired. Of everything.

And it seemed to stay that way until one night where everything kind of  _snapped._

After almost a week of nonstop nightmares and visions, and anyone I  _vaguely_  consulted on the matter telling me to “open up” and “deal with it head on,” I decided one night while going to sleep that tomorrow, I was going to tell Ben everything. He deserved to know, and I was being stupid with the way I was handling this. It was time.

I threw myself back into the mattress, wincing at the creak the wooden boards underneath gave out but eventually coming to rest. I still felt weird and hollow after what I’d found out a while ago, but also a little better now, and I was more ready than I’d ever been to try and make things better.

_But nothing really seems to be wrong. Would it be that bad to just not tell him until they go away?_

Shut up. This is happening whether you like it or not.

I drifted to sleep, somehow undisturbed, and woke up to sunlight streaming through the window onto my face.

_Ugh._

My entire body ached, and I felt like something was dragging me down as I got out of bed and sulked downstairs to have breakfast like I’d supposedly always done. Mom wasn’t waiting for me in the kitchen, surprisingly, but I didn’t give it another thought.  _She probably just went to work early._

I suddenly remembered what I’d set to do today, and went to the living room without eating anything. I had to do this first, then when everything had gotten out of the way we could have a good laugh and maybe some cereal if Ben could even eat regular food.

“Hey, are you there?” I called out, sitting down on the floor. It felt softer than usual; maybe my body was willing to take anything for a chair right now, even hardwood.

**Hm? You want something?**

“I just wanted to talk. Like…in the real world. Please?”

Ben sighed and kind of faded into existence right next to me. Today he was wearing some mint-green tank top obscenity and jeans, which I thought looked good but not necessarily in line with his style. I didn’t ask.  _Can’t get distracted._

“From what? What’s happening?” He yawned and leaned back against the seat of the couch, shifting a little bit. I sighed and looked straight ahead at the wall.

“I’ve…been having some dreams lately. They’re not too bad, but I don’t like them. I always feel like I’m drowning or like I’m under someone’s watch. There’s probably a bunch more that I can’t even remember so it might not end there. I just thought you should know, in case…like…you had some undead input on it. Y’know?” I tried my hardest to sound like I didn’t care but really, I was incredibly anxious to hear his response. Maybe this all meant something that I couldn’t figure out (I mean,  _no shit_  it meant something. I just didn’t know why it was happening now of all times). Instead I was met with silence, and when I turned to face him he seemed to be in deep concentration.

“You’re having dreams…about being watched?” He scratched his cheek in thought. I hesitated to tell him the one thing I managed to leave out about these dreams.

“I mean, well…there were also ones where I was looking up, at…you know. The moon. But that’s kinda a given—“

“You’re having dreams about the  _moon_ ,” Ben cut me off, almost like he didn’t believe me. But it was less skeptical and more of a classic  _please don’t let that be true_  kind of tone. Which worried me just a little bit.

“…yes. Not sure how that’s so concerning, because you’ve been through that whole  _thing,_ ” I said, waving my hands in small circles, “so that’s probably why.”

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I—no. No, I can’t tell you.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Hold up. If it’s something about my dreams, then I think you should tell me. What is it?”

“It’s not about…well, it kind of is. I…I really can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Why? What’s so important about this, I know nearly everything about you! And if we’re gonna work together on this then I think I have a right to know—“

“Please. Please just drop it right now. Let’s talk about anything else.”

“No. You need to tell me whatever the hell is going on with you right now, because now I’ll never be able to stop thinking about it! We said no secrets…remember?”

Ben stared at the ground. “I didn’t think this would count.”

“What do you mean? It can’t be that…bad…” I faltered as Ben’s gaze shifted to me, reading pure anger.

“‘It can’t be that bad’?” He repeated, scandalized.

“I-I’m sorry. But you  _need_  to tell me, otherwise, how can I trust you? Why don’t you want to say it?”

He stood up, and his skin seemed to grow grayer. His outfit suddenly became tattered and worn out, and I could hear words bouncing around in his head before he spoke.


	18. Chapter 18

“Do you honestly think I haven’t been trying to open up more? Are you suggesting that  _I_ haven’t trusted  _you_  more than any other human being I’ve met over the last seven  _years?_ ”

“Ben, I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have said that. I just need to know why you’re so afraid.”

That didn’t seem to reach him. He just grew angrier, his eyes grew redder and the whites grew blacker. I stood up as well, to which he backed against the TV and held his head.

“You really don’t know what’s been happening lately, do you. Do you really know me, or just think you do? Because if you did, you’d understand. You’d see that I’ve been suffering, Avery. This is all the same.”

I thought about approaching him, but stopped myself. “…but at least not as much as before. Right? Aren’t you at least a little better here than you were in the past? You were  _happy_  just a couple days ago!”

“And so you think this is what I wanted?!” He screamed. “To be trapped for years inside a fucking video game with nothing but a backwards song to keep me sane? To just be… _tossed_  around from selfish asshole to selfish asshole, being subjected to some new kind of pain every year? Do you think I’ve been having fun here all this time?!”

“I-I thought you were  _okay!_  I thought you could stand to wait just a little bit longer, I thought that maybe, even if we never found a way to get you out, you would at least be happy here with me!”

“Well…you thought wrong.”

I looked down at the floor in shame, fiddling with the hems of my sleeves.  _This wasn’t supposed to happen. I thought it would help. Why is everything…_

Something sunk in the pit of my stomach as I scrapped that question and came up with a new one.

“Ben…did you find a way to get out without me?”

His expression softened, and for a moment he looked almost sympathetic. “I was going to tell you. I thought I should just make sure it was going to work before even letting you know, but—“

“What.”

“…what?”

“What is it. How are you going to leave?”

“Avery…that’s not what I’m doing. I mean, kind of. Don’t you get it?”

My head snapped up. “Wait, then what’s going on? What are you doing?”

He sighed and stepped back towards the TV, and the static in my head grew louder. “I know I should say I’m sorry, but I’m really not at this point. If I’d only done it earlier, we could have ended all this on a good note.”

“Ben, what are you going to do that’s not  _leaving?_  How can you end things if…”

“Avery. I'm leaving  _you._ I’m going to find someone else to help me, someone who doesn’t know me. Someone who’ll  _really_  help. Someone who’ll really understand.”

Something snapped at that, and my hands started shaking.

_...so what do you think of that._

I took one step closer to him, then another.

_Tell him._

“You can’t leave.”

The words slipped out before I could stop them.  _But he’ll be unhappy if he doesn’t._

No.

“ _I’m_  the only one who understands you.”

I almost stumbled towards him until we were face-to-face, and then I shakily reached for his hand.

_This isn’t what I meant. Stop it._

I gave a weak and forceful smile, trying to reassure myself. “Nobody else here can help you, Ben. You…you can stay here with me! Then everyone will be happy.”

_What? That’s not true. What are you saying to him right now?!_

I couldn’t seem to take it back on time, as Ben scoffed and ripped his arm from me. “Quit lying to yourself. We both know why you  _really_  want me around.”

I felt a surge of annoyance, even though he was probably right. I didn’t know why I was doing or saying these things, but they just came out. It was like  _I_  wasn’t even talking anymore. “And what would  _that_  be?”

He looked like he was about to laugh. His voice was scathing and cruel, and I felt like something wasn’t right with how he was acting.

“You feel useless and alone. You might think you’re being selfless, but you’re not. You just want a reason for someone to want  _you._  Don’t even try to deny it.”

He started walking back into the TV, and I somehow felt like this time, he wasn’t going to be coming back out. “Wait…!” I called weakly. For some reason, he listened and turned back to me. I gulped, trying not to sound like an asshole this time around.

“B-but…I wasn’t as bad as the others. Was I?”

Ben gazed coldly at me, and I felt so much smaller.

“No,” he said after a moment. “None of  _the others_  used me like this. I’d say you’re even worse.” He turned away from me with utter disdain and I felt something awful rising in me. Like vomit. Except all I could do was sob until I woke up.

* * *

“Oh, my god. Oh…fuck.”

I held my head as if to stabilize myself, sitting up in bed and wincing as I did so. My neck was aching, and I couldn’t feel my left arm.  _Must’ve slept on it funny._

It was a dream.

It was just a dream.

I sighed and rubbed my face with my sleeve, wiping away what must have been tears and sweat. I mumbled a string of curses into my hands (god knows how I was able to lift the other one) and coughed quietly.

_Goddammit._

“Did I do something wrong?” I whispered to myself, not exactly expecting an answer. I didn’t get one.

_Would I really do that if he decided to…_

I looked out the window at the moon, which was shining brighter than I’d ever seen before. My face, which had been absolutely burning before, started to cool down. It must have been 1:00 in the morning.

From downstairs, I heard faint static.

And without thinking, I jumped out of bed and bolted down to the living room, muttering his name.

“Ben. Ben. Ben, are you even…” I trailed off as I turned the corner into the living room and saw him sitting on the couch cross-legged, staring at static on the television screen. He rarely actually  _sat_  anywhere; usually he just floated. But right now he was idle and sinking into it. Without thinking I walked over to him and collapsed onto the sofa, hugging him as tightly as I could.

“ _Oh,_ my god, Avery, what—what are you—that scared the shit out of me—!”

“Ben. I’m really sorry. For anything I’ve done to hurt you. I don’t care if you don’t think I should be saying this but  _I_  do, so don’t even start. I’m…”

I struggled to find the words that would best describe how I felt, but in truth, there probably weren’t many. I could only say…

“…I’m in love with you, Ben. And I mean it.”

Not one second after I said that, he shifted back and pushed me off of him, gazing at me as if I was something completely new to him. I understood, in a way. My old self would have never admitted anything like that. But I felt now that I had to. After a while, he shook his head quickly, blinking like he was trying to snap out of something.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are…no. I-is this because I…kissed you? Earlier, before we tried that whole possession thing?” He looked baffled, his hands fidgeting. I noticed he was latching onto my shoulders as if to keep me from slipping away. My gaze flickered to the side.

“I…I don’t know. I really don’t know. I just think you’re…amazing,” I admitted, almost scoffing at what a dork I was becoming. He shook his head again, like he couldn’t believe anything that was happening. I felt something sink in the pit of my stomach at that fact that my part was over; he now had the power to just completely throw my confession away, to reject me. I gulped and tried to look him in the eye again, noticing that it was becoming more yellow in color by the second.

“Was that…was you kissing me, not…‘real’?”

His eyes widened and he shook his head for a third time. “No, no, I’m not saying that, I just…” he sighed and looked away. “I mean, I guess it wasn’t. Not really. I just felt so overwhelmed by what you were saying, I went for it, I wasn’t even thinking. I just wanted to pay you back, somehow, I think. But now…”

He was digging his nails into my arms at this point, and I absentmindedly closed my hand over his. He looked back at me with a sense of decidedness and


	19. Chapter 19

Kissed me. He kissed me, and genuinely this time. It felt almost ironic, how when he had last done it, it seemed real and almost like the start of something. But now that one felt fake in comparison. Ben seemed like he really knew how he felt now, and wasn’t just doing this out of pity or gratefulness. He was just…doing it. Maybe to prove something to himself. Maybe to prove something to  _me._  But it was happening, and internally I was losing my shit.

I mean…I kissed back, of course. What do you take me for?

It was just surreal this time, to have had just woken up from a bad dream about someone exposing your deepest flaws and anxiety and claiming you’re one of the worst people they’ve met, and then one minute later having them reciprocate your weird, spontaneous declaration of love. It’s jarring. But I kissed back anyway, because what are you gonna do.

I placed my hand on the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair and pulling him closer. He did the same, as if just remembering what hands are for other than nearly dislocating someone’s arm from some intense shoulder gripping.

“…Ave—“

I immediately pulled back once he started to talk. He looked a little surprised.

“…oh.”

“Sorry, I just—y’know, nevermind. What were you going to say?”

“I think I’m in love with you, too.”

“Oh…cool,” I replied hesitantly, not sure what else to say. Ben almost laughed.

“Was that not what you wanted to hear?”

“Well,  _obviously_  it was! I-I just don’t know how to respond to stuff like that. Come to think of it, it might have been a bad idea to say that to you in the first place—“

“No. It’s fine.” He grabbed my hand and held it up to where his heart would be if he had one. “Honestly…I’ve felt weird since the moment we met. And now I think I finally know why. Not like I’ve been pining after you this entire time, but it was like I somehow knew that this time around, things were gonna be different. You made me forget how  _normal_  humans can be, Avery. And that’s saying something, considering that logically you’re one of the most normal people I’ve met.”

Despite all that, his last sentence managed to make me roll my eyes and say, “Wow, thanks.”

He squeezed my hand tighter. “You know what I mean. That might not have been the best thing to say, but you get it, right?”

I found it in me to smile and moved my hand to his shoulder, pulling him towards me. “Yeah. I get it.”

Something still bugged me, though.

“Ben…am I a bad person for wanting you around?”

He seemed confused. “Of course not…? What do you think just happened here? Why would you ask that?”

“Because this isn’t all fun and games for you. I might be fine with having some ghost in my house to keep me company, but…you’ve been trapped for years, in this awful cycle of being passed around by awful people. All you want is your freedom. But I might still want you in my life when you get it.” I sighed and looked him in the eye. “Tell me that isn’t going to be a problem in the future.”

As that started to sink in for him, we gazed at each other sadly for a short while. Then he put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me close.

“Well…it doesn’t really look like I’m getting  _that_  anytime soon, anyway. I still have a lot of stuff to figure out, probably a shitton to remember…we’ve got time.

“You’re not a bad person, Avery. Pretty further from it than most people, really.”

Not one second after he said that, the static stopped, the TV shut off, and the room was pitch black. Except for a faint glow surrounding Ben’s body. It took a good second after that for me to fully realize we were…kind of cuddling. I felt my face heat up and I quickly sat up on the couch, only to pause and realize something else.

_This is fine._

My first instinct when I realized I was doing something intimate and trusting with another person was to immediately push them away. I was a teenager; it really couldn’t be helped. But Ben was a friend—definitely something more at this point, to be honest—and it wasn’t like he was going to hurt me. Or judge me. He’d already accepted so much of who I am, it would be counterproductive to just push him away now.

I settled back down and decided to give up hiding myself. He didn’t say anything; he just rested his head on mine, staring at nothing, until he talked again.

“…why did you come down here in the middle of the night?” He asked, looking back at me and lessening his grip. I sighed apprehensively.  _I shouldn’t tell you._

“I can still hear you, you know. Did you have a dream about me?”

Now seeing I had no choice, I tapped my arms nervously and tried to find the words.

“…more like a  _nightmare,_  to be honest. It was about…no.” I shook my head and scoffed again. “It was like the world was crumbling around me. I’ve been having them for a while now, actually, but this one—“

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been having nightmares?”

He asked me so innocently that I actually closed my eyes tight and tried to shut off the world. But I couldn’t.

“…this one was worse. You…you were going to try to find somebody else who could help you better than me. Because I was trying to keep you for myself, and use you to feel like I was special. A-and I felt so horrible, because it was all true. Nothing I ever had was like this one, but I still couldn’t tell you, ‘cause I knew you’d worry about me. And I didn’t want that.” After a moment, I turned to him inquisitively. “Why were  _you_  just sitting on the couch staring at white noise a minute ago?”

Ben stared at the floor before mumbling, “…nightmare…” in realization. I noticed he didn’t comment on anything I said this time.

_Maybe he had the same dream._

I made a face and threw my arms around his neck, kissing him again for good measure. In spite of everything, he kissed back.

And for the first time in a while, I felt really happy.


	20. Chapter 20

Of course, that wouldn’t solve all of my problems. What could? But a little bit of the pressure was taken off after that night. My mom came downstairs the next day to find me asleep on the couch, hugging my arms, and apparently decided not to wake me up and inform me of how stupid I looked. Thanks, mom.

But the following week, when I went to school, things seemed a little brighter. I didn’t listen to people as much when they called me annoying, or a dick, or whatever. Sure, I still heard it and it didn’t feel that great. But I didn’t listen. I knew there was at least one person who didn’t see me that way, and surprisingly that was all I needed to know to lift my spirits just a little bit.

Meghan seemed to notice a couple days later during lunch, when I sat at her table again.

“You look happy.”

“Eh, I don’t know about  _ happy _ . Just…less sad.” I rested my chin in my palm and gazed behind her at some poster on the wall for some student-run club that nobody seemed to care about. She hesitated.

“Which is…good, right?”

I gave her an odd look. “What do you mean? Of course that’s good.”

“I know, it’s just…some people prefer to be sad. I’ve met ‘em. Not real fun people to be around, but  _ que sera, sera. _ Y’know?”

“I guess.”

Meghan Flores was a funny one. She was just about your stereotypical high school geek; you could smell the 711 soda on her, and having headgear and a lisp didn’t help her image much. But she was one of the smartest and surprisingly most insightful people I knew, and pretty open-minded as well.

It was no wonder she was just another one of the rejects of the school.

Eventually, my mind wandered to something more troubling. No matter how much he told me…

“Meg, what would you do if somebody kept telling you that you’re not a bad person, but you still don’t believe it?”

She looked taken aback. “Oh. Um, Ave, you know lunch only started five minutes ago…”

I sighed. “I know. It’s just been bothering me for a while. Wanted to get an opinion from, like, the most honest person I know.”

“Aw, you couldn’t be more wrong, but thanks. I guess…well, this probably isn’t what someone giving advice would want to say, but I’d probably just keep it inside, to be honest. I know that’s not what you want to hear—”

“No, I get it. That’s what I’d do too. But it doesn’t help. Maybe just…forget I said that. Okay?”

“Uh, okay. Do you have Ms. Henderson?”

“Yeah, why?”

The rest of lunch proceeded as usual, and I got no real answers for the rest of the day.

* * *

After checking to see that my mom wasn’t home yet, I half-yelled my usual greeting to Ben.

“What’s up, nerd.”

Five seconds passed.

“What’s up with  _ you, _ douche,” I heard muffled from upstairs. I gave in and smiled.  _ He still remembers the first thing I officially said to him. _

“What are you doing upstairs?”

“I got bored. You know, the only two places I really go in this house are the living room and your bedroom. It was bound to happen that I take a nice stroll even further up and find some of your childhood stuff…”

“What? No way.”

I’d set down my bag on an armchair in the kitchen, about to grab a snack, but that could wait. Discoveries were being made. I rushed upstairs to the attic to find Ben crouched curiously over a cardboard box with something that resembled a moon lamp barely poking out.

“Oh my god…I haven’t seen that in years!”

He turned around and gave me a funny look. “Really? How? It’s, like,  _ right here _ .”

“Yeah, but I haven’t had a reason to come up here in so long.” I sat down next to him and started digging through all my old things, exhilarated by the feeling of memories rushing back to me. Ben laughed a bit.

“Then I guess we should explore together, hm?” He muttered, wrapping an arm around me. I snorted.

“Ha. Gay.”

“Shut it, you.”

I spent a couple of hours up there with him, sifting through the boxes, uncovering old (and sometimes embarrassing) stories, and feeling for just a tiny moment that for once, nothing was wrong with my life. Turns out, I really  _ was _ obsessed with space as a kid. Given my current houseguest, I thought it’d be a bad idea to go down that road, but he somehow didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it was pretty obvious that he found it cute. It made all this a whole lot more comforting. 

_ Buzz. _

_ “Coming home soon. Might need to order for dinner. Finish your homework soon” _

“Hm.” I bit my cheek at Mom’s text and sighed, standing up. “Well, I guess we can’t stick around here for much longer. My mom’s gonna have a couple questions as to why I’m up here looking at all my junk from when I was ten.”

“What if you brought some of it back down?”

I looked to my side to see Ben suspended in the air, cross-legged and with his thinking face on. After a moment, I smiled.

“Yeah. That’d be fun, wouldn’t it.”

Long story short, my room became just a tiny bit less empty than it was before, and nostalgia now flooded my senses every time I went upstairs after school.

The next week, I decided to lend some time to Jason, the poor kid. Nobody seemed to like him, either, so Meghan and I were kind of his only options when it came to socializing. It turns out he’s a lot smarter than he lets on; he’s scarily aware of what everybody says about him, he apparently hears “creepy” and “shithead” every day from whoever happens to be talking about him in the halls, and he hasn’t had a real friend since 4th grade. His parents had become more distant, stopped setting up playdates for him with other kids, and before long he kind of just lost everybody who’d considered him normal as a friend. Before now I’d only felt a little bad for ignoring him in general, but not a day after I’d gotten the full story I decided to walk home with him from school.

It was definitely awkward. Like him, I hadn’t actually  _ walked _ alongside someone for a long time so I didn’t really have anything to talk about. What  _ could  _ I talk about, anyway?  _ Hey Jason, I have a ghost living in my house who also happens to be my new boyfriend as of a week ago? _ So I just stayed quiet until the topic of video games came up. I was very much an amateur at them (still am, to be honest) so I let Jason explain his undying passion for the Sonic franchise and why the fandom is single-handedly causing both Sega and the Internet’s various communities to go downhill. He was enthusiastic, to say the least, which I did like. It was surprisingly hard to get someone to talk endlessly about something they like in high school, so it was refreshing to hear this, no less from someone I’d barely talked to before. It was probably cathartic for him, too, looking back.

After a while, my mind started trailing off, and I found myself nodding along to whatever Jason was saying, until he paused and stopped walking.

“…oh! Forgot, I have to stop by here to pick something up. I’m pretty sure I left my coat in here.”

I snapped out of my little daze and looked up to the building we’d just paused at.

The old abandoned church.

“…so this thing’s still running? People actually go here?”

“I know, right? I think they just don’t wanna ask for the money to renovate it. They’re pretty humble people, but not really the type to accept gifts or other people’s cash that easily.”

“Huh. So you go here too?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s mostly because of my parents. Pretty die-hard about the whole thing but I shouldn’t judge. Everyone here’s pretty nice, actually. I’d ask you to stop by, but we haven’t had a new attendant in so long it’d be kind of awkward.”

“Not really into the whole religion scene in general. But that’s nice of you, Jason.”

“I know.” It took him a second to realize what it sounded like he was saying. “I-I mean about the religion thing! Uh…” he held up his hands defensively, and I laughed.

“No, it’s fine. See you later.”

“See you,” he muttered, like he’d just blown his chance to make a good friend. But I strongly disagreed.


	21. Chapter 21

My little period of happiness came and went faster than I’d expected. In less than another month I found myself thinking and worrying over nothing, asking myself too many questions devoid of any substance. Despite everything Ben had told me I was still somehow convinced that my efforts to free him as soon as possible were necessary, even if he  _ seemed _ happy at the moment. And isn’t that what everybody’s brain does? When everything is happy and carefree, we find something, no matter how tiny it is, to fuss over because we have nothing left to complain about.

That’s why I slowly started dressing down.

School didn’t help my worries, even though it was the one place I was kept away from my one big responsibility. It was probably the “junior depression” part of the equation, now that I think about it, but it still didn’t make sense to me why I couldn’t seem to get up in the morning when it mattered most. Eventually, Ben began checking on me, which made everything hurt more.

“Ave…don’t try fooling me, I know that if you have the day off today you would’ve looked happier last night.”

“I know, I know, I’ll get up. Man, you are  _ really _ on my case lately,” I chuckled and sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching, though having someone standing right next to your bed keeping a sharp eye on you makes it 101% more difficult to get up.

“I have to be. I don’t care how many times you  _ eventually _ come down the stairs and head out the door, it’s concerning when it’s 7:20 and you’re still nowhere in sight.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just really hard nowadays.” I yawned and swung my feet over the edge, finally standing up. Ben looked a tiny bit more sympathetic.

“I guess I can’t judge. I haven’t been to school in seven years.”

I’d slowly started changing from my typical binder, tank top, and mesh shorts to more loose and baggy clothing that could hide my body more. I was falling into that hole that a lot of enby people succumb to; trying to make nobody see you clearly, eventually just downgrading to a hoodie and sweatpants to avoid any strange looks. It wasn’t even so much my insecurity getting in the way at this point, I was really just stressed for whatever reason that presented itself that day. Like a TV show’s monster of the week.

But Ben was always there at the end of the day, which made things a tiny bit easier. And somehow, a whole lot harder at the same time.

I had stopped sitting at Meghan’s lunch table all the time. I couldn’t pinpoint why, only that I didn’t want to give her any direct chances to see me like this. Wherever I was, though, Jason would usually find me and strike up a conversation, which I assumed he did out of pity. Luckily, with all the tightly-bound groups of friends in my lunch period, there was always some new corner of a lunch table I could silently stay at for the day. Nobody commented. I became nomadic for a solid month.

Then I remembered that  _ she _ existed.

_ Oh. _

“Why so quiet? Did you become brain dead hanging out with that weird geek boy?”

I made a mistake one day, failing to notice the occupants of a certain table before sitting down and trying to enjoy my chicken tenders in peace. Charissa nudged her way over to me, sitting right across with an uncannily sympathetic look. It was almost as if she really wanted to hang out with me, but I knew that could never be the case.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

I stared at her for a moment, trying to process her question. Silently, I nodded and returned to my food.

“Look, I’m sorry if something I said hurt you. I’m just trying to be more friendly around you, and I don’t know what it was but it felt like something I was doing was making you feel bad. We’re cool, right?”

I couldn’t see her face, but something about that overly sweet tone knew how to make someone not trust this girl. I still nodded again, of course. I wasn’t in the mood to start anything right now.

“Okay. Great,” she said, instantly returning to her original place at the table and leaving me alone again. I wasn’t sure what the point of any of that was; maybe it was some gaslighting technique. Maybe she thought that if she gave some seemingly sincere apology, I wouldn’t tell anyone that she was being mean to me. Again, it didn’t feel like she was trying to be malicious for her own sake. I was still pretty sure some of her peers had put her up to making me uncomfortable.

And then I heard whispers at the end of the table.

_ “I think they’re actually mentally retarded. For real.” _

_ “Hey! Don’t say that. They spend all their time on social media, they’ll send a 12-page article to you about why that’s offensive.” _

Everyone laughed except me. And now I had no choice  _ but _ to take it. Up until now it was more backhanded stuff that was upsetting me, but now they were just kind of being shitty. 

I wasn’t sure which was worse.

* * *

“Jesus Christ _ , _ Ave. I already told you to deal with this shit and you’re still letting them walk all over you?”

“It’s not as easy as it sounds! Do you know how it feels to know that no matter what you do, somebody will always find a way to make it look like  _ you’re  _ the one who’s wrong?”

“Well, no. But isn’t not doing anything when they make fun of you just playing into their hands too?”

“Honestly…I don’t care at this point. It’s more than halfway through the year, I won’t have to deal with their immaturity much longer.”

“And then next year?”

I thought, then smiled. “Get a restraining order.”

“You will do anything to avoid conflict, won’t you?”

“Not normally. But this is different. I’m being directly attacked now, so I can’t let them know they’re getting to me.”

“A little late for that, wouldn’t you say?”

I paused.  _ Shit. _

“Ugh. You’re right.”

“Yeah. Well…I really can’t force you to do anything. I’m just saying that you won’t have anything to lose by calling them out now.”

“I know…” I groaned and laid back in bed, hugging a pillow to my chest. It was one of the ones we’d recovered from the attic, and being around it alone was giving me an emotional boost. I still had no idea why Charissa & Company’s barbs we’re getting to me so much; they just  _ were. _ I turned back to Ben, who was hovering above me with his arms crossed in a disapproving manner. I furrowed my eyebrows and patted the space on the bed next to me. He sighed, drifting down and muttering, “This again.”

“Sorry, I just feel like sometimes you’re the only one I can count on.” I curled up, burying my face into his chest. “You get it.”

“What about that girl, Meghan?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me with a kind of gentleness that felt like he was afraid of breaking me. “You talk to her. She seems nice. Why can’t you…?”

“Eh, it’s kind of different with her.”

“Excuses,” he scoffed.

“But it  _ is! _ We haven’t really hung out in so long, the last time I tried talking to her about something like this, it was so short and it felt so weird. It’s like we barely know each other anymore.”

“Maybe. But you should still talk to someone. Someone other than  _ me, _ ” he added sternly, cutting me off before I could say anything. He sighed again and kissed my neck. “You know, I never said anything to  _ anybody _ about all the stress the Children put me under. It didn’t help anything. If I’d just looked past my own pride and even mentioned it to someone who cared, I could have saved myself from that whole mess.”

“I’m not being recruited by a bloodthirsty cult. But…I get it.” I smiled the tiniest bit, giving in.

“Hey…’who’s Logan Paul?’”

Ben paused out of shock, then almost exploded with laughter.

“Oh,  _ come on! _ You’re so mean…!”

“ _ You  _ come on, you lived in the internet for years and didn’t know who that was?!”

For a good couple of minutes, we actually got something nice out of these little talks for once. But after a while, something flipped a switch in the back of my brain and I started silently worrying again. But this time, it wasn’t about Charissa.

The way  _ he _ could smile and laugh so effortlessly with me…it made me realize just what I was to him. I did technically have “friends,” if that’s what you wanted to call them. Not very strong ones, but I  _ had _ them.

And Ben had nobody.

He was always helping me as best he could. The constant nagging voice in the back of my head, the stress of somehow making everything worse, knowing that it would probably be a long time before we found a way to get him out; I was just starting to get used to that. But now I realized that all in all, I was alone in this. Sure, Ben was there—he was why I had gotten myself into this situation. But this was a different kind of alone. Probably the worst kind, in all seriousness.

Ben depended on me and me alone, a terrible decision. And I couldn’t depend on anybody else.

Hell, I probably couldn’t think of a way to free him in a million years. There might not have been a single person in the  _ world _ who could pull of something like that.

Unless…


	22. Chapter 22

My little period of happiness came and went faster than I’d expected. In less than another month I found myself thinking and worrying over nothing, asking myself too many questions devoid of any substance. Despite everything Ben had told me I was still somehow convinced that my efforts to free him as soon as possible were necessary, even if he  _ seemed _ happy at the moment. And isn’t that what everybody’s brain does? When everything is happy and carefree, we find something, no matter how tiny it is, to fuss over because we have nothing left to complain about.

That’s why I slowly started dressing down.

School didn’t help my worries, even though it was the one place I was kept away from my one big responsibility. It was probably the “junior depression” part of the equation, now that I think about it, but it still didn’t make sense to me why I couldn’t seem to get up in the morning when it mattered most. Eventually, Ben began checking on me, which made everything hurt more.

“Ave…don’t try fooling me, I know that if you have the day off today you would’ve looked happier last night.”

“I know, I know, I’ll get up. Man, you are  _ really _ on my case lately,” I chuckled and sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching, though having someone standing right next to your bed keeping a sharp eye on you makes it 101% more difficult to get up.

“I have to be. I don’t care how many times you  _ eventually _ come down the stairs and head out the door, it’s concerning when it’s 7:20 and you’re still nowhere in sight.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just really hard nowadays.” I yawned and swung my feet over the edge, finally standing up. Ben looked a tiny bit more sympathetic.

“I guess I can’t judge. I haven’t been to school in seven years.”

I’d slowly started changing from my typical binder, tank top, and mesh shorts to more loose and baggy clothing that could hide my body more. I was falling into that hole that a lot of enby people succumb to; trying to make nobody see you clearly, eventually just downgrading to a hoodie and sweatpants to avoid any strange looks. It wasn’t even so much my insecurity getting in the way at this point, I was really just stressed for whatever reason that presented itself that day. Like a TV show’s monster of the week.

But Ben was always there at the end of the day, which made things a tiny bit easier. And somehow, a whole lot harder at the same time.

I had stopped sitting at Meghan’s lunch table all the time. I couldn’t pinpoint why, only that I didn’t want to give her any direct chances to see me like this. Wherever I was, though, Jason would usually find me and strike up a conversation, which I assumed he did out of pity. Luckily, with all the tightly-bound groups of friends in my lunch period, there was always some new corner of a lunch table I could silently stay at for the day. Nobody commented. I became nomadic for a solid month.

Then I remembered that  _ she _ existed.

_ Oh. _

“Why so quiet? Did you become brain dead hanging out with that weird geek boy?”

I made a mistake one day, failing to notice the occupants of a certain table before sitting down and trying to enjoy my chicken tenders in peace. Charissa nudged her way over to me, sitting right across with an uncannily sympathetic look. It was almost as if she really wanted to hang out with me, but I knew that could never be the case.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

I stared at her for a moment, trying to process her question. Silently, I nodded and returned to my food.

“Look, I’m sorry if something I said hurt you. I’m just trying to be more friendly around you, and I don’t know what it was but it felt like something I was doing was making you feel bad. We’re cool, right?”

I couldn’t see her face, but something about that overly sweet tone knew how to make someone not trust this girl. I still nodded again, of course. I wasn’t in the mood to start anything right now.

“Okay. Great,” she said, instantly returning to her original place at the table and leaving me alone again. I wasn’t sure what the point of any of that was; maybe it was some gaslighting technique. Maybe she thought that if she gave some seemingly sincere apology, I wouldn’t tell anyone that she was being mean to me. Again, it didn’t feel like she was trying to be malicious for her own sake. I was still pretty sure some of her peers had put her up to making me uncomfortable.

And then I heard whispers at the end of the table.

_ “I think they’re actually mentally retarded. For real.” _

_ “Hey! Don’t say that. They spend all their time on social media, they’ll send a 12-page article to you about why that’s offensive.” _

Everyone laughed except me. And now I had no choice  _ but _ to take it. Up until now it was more backhanded stuff that was upsetting me, but now they were just kind of being shitty. 

I wasn’t sure which was worse.

 

“Jesus Christ _ , _ Ave. I already told you to deal with this shit and you’re still letting them walk all over you?”

“It’s not as easy as it sounds! Do you know how it feels to know that no matter what you do, somebody will always find a way to make it look like  _ you’re  _ the one who’s wrong?”

“Well, no. But isn’t not doing anything when they make fun of you just playing into their hands too?”

“Honestly…I don’t care at this point. It’s more than halfway through the year, I won’t have to deal with their immaturity much longer.”

“And then next year?”

I thought, then smiled. “Get a restraining order.”

“You will do anything to avoid conflict, won’t you?”

“Not normally. But this is different. I’m being directly attacked now, so I can’t let them know they’re getting to me.”

“A little late for that, wouldn’t you say?”

I paused.  _ Shit. _

“Ugh. You’re right.”

“Yeah. Well…I really can’t force you to do anything. I’m just saying that you won’t have anything to lose by calling them out now.”

“I know…” I groaned and laid back in bed, hugging a pillow to my chest. It was one of the ones we’d recovered from the attic, and being around it alone was giving me an emotional boost. I still had no idea why Charissa & Company’s barbs we’re getting to me so much; they just  _ were. _ I turned back to Ben, who was hovering above me with his arms crossed in a disapproving manner. I furrowed my eyebrows and patted the space on the bed next to me. He sighed, drifting down and muttering, “This again.”

“Sorry, I just feel like sometimes you’re the only one I can count on.” I curled up, burying my face into his chest. “You get it.”

“What about that girl, Meghan?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me with a kind of gentleness that felt like he was afraid of breaking me. “You talk to her. She seems nice. Why can’t you…?”

“Eh, it’s kind of different with her.”

“Excuses,” he scoffed.

“But it  _ is! _ We haven’t really hung out in so long, the last time I tried talking to her about something like this, it was so short and it felt so weird. It’s like we barely know each other anymore.”

“Maybe. But you should still talk to someone. Someone other than  _ me, _ ” he added sternly, cutting me off before I could say anything. He sighed again and kissed my neck. “You know, I never said anything to  _ anybody _ about all the stress the Children put me under. It didn’t help anything. If I’d just looked past my own pride and even mentioned it to someone who cared, I could have saved myself from that whole mess.”

“I’m not being recruited by a bloodthirsty cult. But…I get it.” I smiled the tiniest bit, giving in.

“Hey…’who’s Logan Paul?’”

Ben paused out of shock, then almost exploded with laughter.

“Oh,  _ come on! _ You’re so mean…!”

“ _ You  _ come on, you lived in the internet for years and didn’t know who that was?!”

For a good couple of minutes, we actually got something nice out of these little talks for once. But after a while, something flipped a switch in the back of my brain and I started silently worrying again. But this time, it wasn’t about Charissa.

The way  _ he _ could smile and laugh so effortlessly with me…it made me realize just what I was to him. I did technically have “friends,” if that’s what you wanted to call them. Not very strong ones, but I  _ had _ them.

And Ben had nobody.

He was always helping me as best he could. The constant nagging voice in the back of my head, the stress of somehow making everything worse, knowing that it would probably be a long time before we found a way to get him out; I was just starting to get used to that. But now I realized that all in all, I was alone in this. Sure, Ben was there—he was why I had gotten myself into this situation. But this was a different kind of alone. Probably the worst kind, in all seriousness.

Ben depended on me and me alone, a terrible decision. And I couldn’t depend on anybody else.

Hell, I probably couldn’t think of a way to free him in a million years. There might not have been a single person in the  _ world _ who could pull of something like that.

Unless…


	23. Chapter 23

I took one more glance at the cartridge before shoving it disdainfully in my pocket. I could almost feel my heart cracking.

_ No. This is what I have to do. _

Browsing all the possibilities in my brain and scanning the cafeteria, I searched for someone who could be interested in something like this.

Taking a shaky breath, I approached Meghan’s table where she was sitting. Alone.

I did feel bad, coming to her with this. The horrible part was I knew she would accept my offer, strings attached or not. But I had to do it.

She looked at me quizzically through mouthfuls of cup noodle as I took a seat across from her.

“Avery? Wearing a hoodie, in spring?” was her first question. I nodded. “I just felt kind of cold today.”

“Really? Cause you were always kind of the, ‘is it hot in here, or just me?’ kind of guy.”

Damn right I  _ was _ .

“Well, I think I learned to chill out—”

“Ha.”

“—a bit over the last couple of months. I don’t really have time to explain.” Sighing to myself, I covertly pulled out the cartridge and placed it on the table, like some sort of contract.

“You like L.O.Z., right?”

Meghan slowly nodded, almost like she was doubting herself now.

“And horror?”

Narrowing her eyes, she wordlessly pulled up her backpack and pointed to a  _ Last of Us  _ pin on the front pocket.

“Boom.”

“Great. Then you might get a kick out of this.” I slid the cartridge to her side of the table, and she snatched it up to inspect the damage.

The moment she realized the label was missing, she raised an eyebrow and let out a small chuckle.

“This feels like a creepypasta.”

_ Funny that you say that… _

“Wait…” she examined the shape and size of the cartridge carefully, and her eyes widened.

“Okay. Is this a prank? Because I know we all used to be obsessed with this when we were kids, but—”

“I-it’s not a joke! Just…I played it, and I couldn’t sleep for days. I thought that you might like it. Trust me, people would kill to have this copy.”

She didn’t glance at me once, but instead narrowed her eyes at the game, like deciding whether to trust it or not. Technically, I wasn’t lying. Ever since I’d tried “playing” it that first time months ago, I really hadn’t been able to sleep soundly for a long time.

“…okay. Fine. I’ll give it a go.” She smirked at me after a moment, dropping the cartridge in her backpack. “But if something weird happens, and my computer starts acting up, that’s on you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Meg, you’re honestly so nice to everyone, I’m pretty sure ‘he’ wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

* * *

Not only did my pockets feel lighter, I felt my conscience clear after the exchange. Ben was in the hands of someone who could actually help him. He could just forget about me, and how much of an asshole I had been whether he realized it or not. I was really just kind of stalling on actually doing anything to help; Meghan would probably figure out a way to set him free in ten minutes.

_ He's not going to hurt her. It's fine. _

As I opened the front door, I noticed that it felt quiet. Way too quiet. An eerie,  _ something terrible just happened _ kind of quiet.

“The buzzing,” I said to myself without even noticing.

The buzzing that carried throughout the house while Ben was here was gone. My home looked…normal. Not-haunted. My  _ life _ was normal.

I somehow forgot how much I missed normal.

A couple hours passed, and since I had nothing to do, I rummaged through the fridge and found some leftover pizza. My mom hadn't come home yet, so I just microwaved it for an early dinner.

_ I can go back to a life without some stupid ghost thing getting in my business. _

Something started to fuel me, and I rushed to my room, opened my laptop, and booted up Cleverbot.

_ Time for a test run. _

Because I was the one who had to start the conversation, I just entered,  _ Hello. _

_ Hello. How are you? _

I felt a smile growing on my face. He wasn't here.

_ I'm doing good. How are you? _

…

While the bot was “thinking,” I laid back in my bed and spread my arms out.  _ So this is what it's like to not have a dead electronic boyfriend. _

The next line of text popped up.

_ Did I do something wrong. _

I paused.

_ What? No, it's not him. It's just a weird automated response. It'll do that sometimes. _

I decided to brush it off instead of playing along with the bot’s shenanigans like I usually did.

_ I don't know what you’re talking about. What's your favorite color? _

_ What happened Ave. What did I do. _

…

No.

I frantically made to shut the computer, and it wrenched itself back open.

_ Why did you give me away. I thought everything was going well. Did…did I hurt you? _

Glaring at the screen, I tried to explain myself in a way that wouldn’t make me look like a selfish idiot.

_ You didn’t do anything. Remember how I said I’d help you? This is how. You’re with someone that can help you out better than I can. Meghan knows what she’s doing. _

_ Thinking… _

**_Liar. Getting rid of your problems won’t help you, dear._ **

**_Funny that you mention Meghan, though._ **

I glared wide-eyed at the line of distorted text.

_ What’s happening to him? _

“What did you do to her.”

I heard chilling giggles surrounding me. I could almost see him—the  _ other _ him, the one I knew from pictures and the Reddit thread—with blood coating his face, and his eyes now completely empty.

**“Well, why don’t you go check on her? As far as I know, she’s taking a nice little nap.”**

“I…I don’t know where she lives.”

**“Done.”**

My phone buzzed, and when I checked it, it was open to a Maps app, with what I assumed to be Meghan’s address punched in.

_ I don’t even have Maps. _

**“Now go.”**

At a loss for what else to do, I took a shaky breath and stormed out the door, phone in hand.

It turns out, she lived a lot closer to me than I thought.  _ Maybe that’s how he found me again. _

_ Or he just never left. _

**“But be quiet about it.”**

**“You wouldn’t want to** **_wake her up._ ** **”**

After about five minutes, without knocking I wrenched open her front door. Somehow, the app even gave me directions to her room.

_ Ben, you bastard. _

I followed the directions, up the stairs into the first door on the right.

Except it was locked.

The knob wouldn’t turn. There was no keyhole in sight, and the hinges themselves seemed to resist moving at all. I pulled with almost all the strength I had left.  _ She’s dead. He did something to her. And now I can’t even _ —

**“Oh, dear. I must have forgot; she locked her door so as not to be disturbed. How unfortunate for her…”**

“You fucking liar. Open this door right now, Ben, or I swear to god—”

_ Click. _

**“All finished.”**

Without thinking about why in his right mind he would open it for me, I burst through the doorway to find Meghan dangling from the ceiling.

Strangled.

By cables and cords.

Ben laughed.

**“You humans are so easy to break.”**


	24. Chapter 24

I staggered back, unable to look away. As my eyes frantically darted around her, I saw that there was blood and some strange black liquid dripping from her neck and hands. I couldn't see her face, but I'm willing to bet good money it was coming from her eyes and mouth too. It was as if the wires had such a tight grip that they cut through her skin.

Vomit started rising in my throat. I tried to speak, but nothing comprehensible came out. I just made a weird garbled noise and stumbled over to where she was hanging. Small chunks of her hair were missing, and there was a series of scratches on her arms and neck.

_ She fought back. _

_ And she still lost. _

My vision was blurred with tears, but as my eyes passed her blood stained hand, I noticed a gray square object enveloped inside.

**“I can do things, Avery Valentin. Things you wouldn't have even thought possible before now. And the funniest part is…”**

Ben’s voice only became more and more garbled and insane as he drifted toward me, gently turning my chin to face him.

**“…you were** **_so_ ** **convinced I was a good person.”**

After a moment’s hesitation, I slowly shook my head. My mind started to go red, and my hands curled into fists. “No. I don’t think so. You’re not the guy I—”

Something in my body wouldn’t let me say it. Not now.

“— _ knew _ before. Are you? You’re what he was talking about, that other thing that takes over. Either way, you…you’re not my Ben. You’re a fucking monster.”

He chuckled like I was some stupid dog trying to find its tail.  **“Oh, no, but that's exactly the one thing you** **_are_ ** **right about, my dear. I** **_am_ ** **a monster.”**

I slowly stepped back, but he kept his grasp on me. I forced myself to look him in the eye as I reached back and pried the cartridge from Meghan's fingers.

**“I** **_am_ ** **out for revenge.”**

I quickly retracted my hand and stuffed it in my pocket, praying he didn't notice.

**“And now is the time, for all those who have wronged me to pay** **_.”_ **

My anger flooded back into me, and I swatted his hand away from my face. “You—”

I stopped when I saw him looking curiously around the room like he just noticed where he was.

**“In fact…there** **_was_ ** **someone in particular I was looking to go first. And, oh, what a lovely little coincidence.”**

He snapped his fingers nonchalantly, and I sunk to my knees. It felt like something was tying my whole body down.  _ What the hell?! _

**“They happen to be right here!”**

I gritted my teeth, wrapping my fingers tightly around the cartridge.

“Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I learned my lesson!” With difficulty, I lifted my head and glared at him in his psychotic glory.

“I shouldn't have given you to someone else without at least telling you. You trusted me, and I just…threw that away. But…”

He raised his eyebrows, and my eyes began brimming with tears again.  _ I hope you feel guilty, you psycho. _

“…why did you kill  _ her _ ? She…she didn't do anything. She didn't do a fucking thing to you. And now she's  _ dead. _ ”

After a moment, he narrowed his eyes, and something smacked me in the head and toppled to the floor.

“ _ Ow! _ What the fuck?!”

**“The thing is, she** **_did_ ** **do something. To both of us. And luckily for me, since, well…”**

I stared at the object on the floor.

It was a video camera, with the recording light still on.

**“…for some reason, you don't seem to trust what I have to say anymore, this should take care of it.”**

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to block him out.

“You…recorded it?”

**“Of course not. She did.”**

Hesitantly, I picked the camera up and tried opening the viewing panel up. It was stuck to the rest of the camera, with what I assumed to be blood, but it opened nonetheless.

I pressed a small red button on top, and the screen read,  _ Recording finished. _

I rewound the footage. I saw flashes of my shoes, Meghan's hanging body, and her clawing desperately at attacking wires. I squeezed my eyes shut until a soft beeping sound told me I couldn't go back any further.

_ “Okay. So, someone gave me  _ this—”

I saw Meghan's face, and she held the small cartridge up to the camera lens like some sort of documentarian.

_ “ _ — _ at school. You can't really see what it is ‘cause the label’s gone, but it's a Majora's Mask game. And…” _

She turned the camera towards a small TV set in her room; one that I could just now see in the corner.

_ “…it's probably fake, but they didn't charge anything for it, so, yeah.” _

I saw her bend down to plug the cartridge into what must have been a Nintendo 64. A feeling of dread crept into my stomach as I watched on.

She sat cross-legged in front of the small television. It had a small crack in the screen, but it looked surprisingly functional. As I knew would happen, once plugged in the game cut directly to the standard LoZ title screen, with some words horribly misspelled to the point that it was impossible not to notice.  _ I mean…“2300 Nitnedon”? Really? _

Meghan reacted appropriately, just laughing and shaking it off as the game innocently screwing around, unaware of whatever the fuck was actually going to happen.

Then it transitioned by itself to the file select screen. The BEN file.

Meg froze where she sat, and then slowly reached for the camera.

_ “Guys. Do you see this?” _

She brought the camera up to the screen, and after a few seconds of adjustment, you could see the haunted file in all its glory.

I could almost feel Ben smirking behind me.

_ “No, wait, this is probably the file Ave set up to scare me. We used to be, like, super obsessed with Jadusable and stuff.” _

The camera stayed near the screen, though. Like she was worried that whatever happened, she wouldn’t get the footage clear enough.

She decided to create a new file and ignore the original one, naming it “MEG.”

I recognized most of what happened as what went on when Alex Hall played the game. But surprisingly, after enough of it, Meghan fell silent. She stopped reacting as the events went on.

After a while, maybe an hour or so, on what must have been the 20th reset of the three days, a small text box popped up on the screen.

**_Hello, Meghan._ **

She stopped moving, and I held my breath. Then, to my surprise, she laughed.

She was staring a monster in the face, and she laughed.

_ “Sorry, I wasn’t talking. I just…wow.” _

A soft buzzing sound started to make the audio fuzzy, and she didn’t seem to notice.

_ “You know, I was hoping for a really long time that something like this would happen, and make my life interesting or some shit, but…”  _ The camera shifted back to her, almost like she wasn’t even controlling it anymore. There were noticeable bags under her eyes that I could see, even with the terrible video quality. She combed back her hair with her fingers and sighed.

_ “I’m just gonna take this back to Avery, man. I’m not going to deal with this in the middle of the year. Ave, if you’re watching…” _

She turned towards the camera and gave “me” the finger.

_ “You know?” _ She laughed again.

_ “Oh, my god. This is, like, surreal, almost. Uh, hi, Ben,”  _ she muttered at the TV. She didn’t seem to take note on how the screen was distorted and the images on it seemed almost mutilated.  _ “Sorry if you were expecting Avery or something.” _

**_“Where are they.”_ **

Ben’s voice reverberated around the room as he spoke in the video. I shivered. Hearing these two talk about me like this was too unsettling. One of them died almost twelve years ago, and the other just today.

**_“Where is Avery.”_ **

Meghan seemed at a loss for words. She slowly stood up and grabbed her backpack, like she was going to use it as a weapon or something.

_ “I-I don’t know. I don’t know where they live or anything.” _

He seemed to growl in annoyance.  **_“Then I'll find them.”_ **

A barrage of static shook the TV set, and even the camera. Meghan stumbled backwards.

_ “Wait! Didn’t they tell you that they were going to give you to me?” _

Ben seemed to pause. My heartbeat quickened.

**_“No.”_ **

Meghan gulped audibly, and seemed to try putting her words together in the safest way possible.

_ “Well…earlier today, they gave me this game, right? They told me that they couldn’t sleep for days after playing it. Maybe…they were kind of saying that they just couldn’t handle this. It was too much for them. They felt a little overwhelmed.” _ She paused. She was talking so quietly, I almost couldn’t hear her without pressing my ear to the screen.

_ “You want help, right? Freedom?” _

Ben fell silent again. Almost like he was afraid of admitting it.

**_“Yes.”_ ** His voice grew distorted and cracked, like he was about to cry. Somehow, I felt like that wasn’t the case just yet.

_ “Then maybe they were afraid that they  _ couldn’t _ help you. I…I think I can, though.” _

All I could hear was the static in the background as Ben seemed to think.

_ “What do you say? Will you let me help you out?” _

**_“Didn’t you say that you would take me back to Avery?”_ **

The air stood still. The static in the audio grew. I couldn’t see Meghan’s face, but I could feel utter defeat hanging in the air.

_ “…I was. I was really going to. But I can’t now. Avery—” _

**_“Can handle it. They_ ** **have** **_to handle it. I can’t just start over. I can’t. I’ll…”_ **

Something seemed to shift inside him. After a couple seconds, I heard echoing, breathy laughs.

**_“I’ll kill you. I’ll hurt you, and then I’ll go back to Avery. And I’ll hurt them too. And_ ** **they’re** **_going to help me. Not you.”_ **

_ “…Ben, please, just—” _

**_“I’m done with being betrayed. I’m done with being_ ** **recycled** **_like this. You’re all going to meet a terrible fate. For everyth—”_ **

Meghan’s hand shot forward, and she pried the game from her console and sighed. The screen faded to black, and then cracked. A lot.

She looked somberly at the cartridge and sighed.

_ “I'm sorry.” _

She glanced up at something I couldn’t see. But I assumed it was some sort of dresser.

_ “I should probably put you somewhere safe while I figure this out.” _

I saw her slowly stand up and walk over, making to place the cartridge on top.

She froze.

And then crumbled to the floor in agony.

**_“You shouldn’t have—”_ **

I stopped the tape before he finished his sentence. I couldn’t watch anymore. I already knew what was going to happen.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched.

“She didn’t take me back.” For some reason, Ben’s voice was almost normal.

“She broke us apart. She went back on what she said. She was selfish.”

I glanced over my shoulder, and saw that a twisted grin was spreading across his face.

**“And she only ended up hurting herself.”**


	25. Chapter 25

It’d been three weeks since I’d reluctantly taken Ben back into my ownership. The buzzing in my house was back. Occasionally, I’d hear soft laughter and high pitched giggles reverberate around whatever room I was in. The one thing I was right about this entire time, I suppose, was that this wasn’t the Ben I knew. Something else had taken his place.  _ I should have known better than to upset him like this; now he might never come back. _

When my mom had come back from whatever errands she'd planned that day, I stumbled through the door at the same time and saw her eyes widen.

“Oh, my god…Avery, what happened? Did…did you get in a fight or something?”

I hesitated.  _ What? _ Then I noticed that my fingers had coagulated blood on the tips. And on top of that, my nose was bleeding for some reason.

“…oh. No, no, I didn't. I just…went out, and my nose started bleeding, so, I…” I held my palm up to my face. “…you know.”

One week passed without event. It was a pretty…convenient time for my mom to be home more than usual. I'm pretty sure I was starting to develop a lot more weird habits than usual. Whenever I went up to my room, I kept looking behind me, through other darkened rooms, behind the shower curtains, closing my eyes whenever I passed a mirror. I always closed my door completely, careful to make sure the lock clicked every time.

Ben would still be there, of course. He could go nearly anywhere he pleased, now that he found a way to travel through telephone pole wires again.

I never talked to him, though. No matter how much he tried to get my attention.

**“I wonder what would happen if I just snapped your mother’s neck. Right now.”** He’d giggle and clutch at his stomach, trying to contain himself.  **“And you'd be, like, powerless to stop me. She'd…just be** **_dead._ ** **”**

_ Ha, ha, fucking ha, asshole. _

After another week, my mom was still trying to get things out of me. Apparently, she was “concerned” for my “well-being” or something like that. I didn't understand how she could pick up on the fact that I was slowly losing my mind over what happened to Meghan but not that we had a literal psychotic ghost in our house.

One week later, Ben killed someone else. He didn't tell me, and I didn't see the body myself.

But someone stopped me in the hallway—on a Monday, nonetheless—and asked me if I wanted to talk.

“Oh. Wait, why? About what…?” I faltered as I saw the girl’s somber expression. Something was clearly not right; she seemed genuinely concerned for me. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out who she was. Not that I had the time or energy to do that anyway.

“It’s okay. I know these last couple days have been really weird, and…you’ve never been the best at handling these types of things, so I just wanted to check in. See how you’re doing.”

My mind raced as I tried to decipher what the hell she was talking about. This felt intrusive. It felt weird. My look of utter confusion must’ve been the most emotion I’d displayed in weeks, because she noticed it.

“…Avery? I’m talking about Charissa.”

It took me a minute to process that.  _ So something’s happened with the little puppet. _ I felt a strange sense of bitterness rise in me. “What about her? No, let me guess. She’s spreading some new rumor about how I have a  _ ghost _ for a boyfriend, or, or how I  _ killed _ Meghan Flores and—”

“Avery!” The girl was now on the verge of tears, and I knew instantly that I’d fucked up. I finally recognized her, though. She was the girl in my English class who had asked if I was okay when I first got myself into this whole mess. She let out a shaky sigh.

“Charissa died, Ave. She killed herself Friday night. You…you were in her…you know. Her note,” the girl—Katie, I remembered—said reluctantly, clenching her hands and averting her gaze. Tears were visibly running down her face now, and a slow sense of dread creeped into my stomach.

_ She’s dead. _

Oh, no.

Before I could process what  _ she’s dead _ really meant, the question slipped out.

“What did she say? About…me?”

She shot me a look of pure anger and disappointment. “Are you sure that’s what you want to be asking right now?” Her voice quaked and she narrowed her eyes at me. “I really thought…as her friend, you’d be a little more sympathetic. But I guess I didn’t really need to check in after all. You seem just  _ fine. _ ”

She turned to walk away but I grabbed her by the arm and looked her dead in the eyes. I probably looked like a zombie.

“Who told you that.”

“What?”

“Who told you that me and Charissa were  _ friends. _ What did she say in her note about me. Did it seem real? Why did she do it?”

Katie seemed taken aback. So much so that she answered almost immediately.

“I-I just assumed…she said…she wanted to tell you that she was sorry for something…?”

“Katie, Did it seem  _ real? _ ”

“What are you  _ talking _ about? Why are you acting like…”

I sighed before she could collect her thoughts, and let go of her arm. “Whatever. Nevermind. I…I’m sorry. We should both get to class.”

Now it was  _ her _ turn to be confused. I walked away before I could get caught up in anything else and decided to skip Pre-Calculus to think things over. Of course I’d get in a shitton of trouble for that, but it was really the least of my worries at the moment. I’d think up some excuse at a later time.

I crouched in the stairwell, feeling more lonely than ever. This was all so messed up; now I didn’t even have anybody I knew to keep me grounded in reality, regardless of whether they were just making fun of me daily and giving me death glares through 30 pounds of foundation. I never realized it, but…maybe Charissa actually might’ve  _ wanted _ to be my friend. In some fucked-up way. But I’d been too closed off, or too much of a self-centered dick to even bother building a support group. This was my fault. What if some of that stuff in the note…what if maybe some of it were true?

_ No. Don’t even think that. Ben is a liar and a psychopath, and now he’s killed two people. It’s not your fault. Do you really believe for a second what that girl just told you? _

I started to quietly cry in the stairwell, and by the time I was done, the bell had rung. I sniffed and got up, going to my next class.


	26. Chapter 26

When I had more time to myself, I began thinking: maybe by doing this, Ben thought he could win me back over. Come to the dark side, Avery. We have brownies and organized murder plans of everyone you don't like.

I almost laughed to myself when I realized that's what he was probably trying to do.  _Oh, you sweet, sociopathic little dead boy._

_I don't work that way._

As I expected, Meghan’s death was also written off as suicide. It almost made me laugh, how much of a Heathers-esque situation this was. I couldn’t find it in myself to laugh anymore, though.

I sat in a small cushioned chair in the waiting room.

“Dr. Bryant will see you now,” the receptionist stated in an attempted chirp. I could almost hear the deadpan in her voice, but dismissed it. I had more important things to worry about.

I got up from the seat and walked through the doorway, anxiety gnawing at me. A sad-looking man was waiting for me on a leather couch, holding a small notepad and a pen. He stood up to shake my hand.

“Hello, Avery. I’m Dr. Bryant. I just need to ask you a few questions, and then you can be on your way in about…” He checked a small wristwatch. “…45 minutes.” He smiled at me and gestured for me to sit down on the couch opposite to him.

I hesitantly took a seat, unsure what to say to a 30-something psychologist about what happened with Ben and Meghan. It was the reason my mom had sent me here in the first place.

I kept my eyes on the small coffee table between us.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dr. Bryant check his notepad.

“So…your mother said that you were suffering from anxiety and…” He paused to raise and eyebrow curiously. “…an array of mood problems. I’d just like to ask you right now, does that sound accurate?”

Slowly, I nodded.

“Before we go into the diagnostics, is there anything that  _you_  think might be causing this?”

I paused, and racked through the options in my brain. This guy wasn't allowed to tell anyone anything I said, or at least who I was. I could either play it safe and act like Ben was some sort of mentally challenged roommate, or…

I could be honest about what was happening for the first time since this all started.

“…yeah. I think I know what it is.”

Either way, there was definitely an obvious place to start.

“Someone at my school was killed.”

His reaction was somewhat delayed. Once he processed what I said, he froze, and then smiled sadly.

“I…was going to bring that up at some point, yes. But your mom feels like there were a certain…chain of events that led up to what happened, if you're comfortable talking about it. Something involving a person named Ben, I believe.”

Without hesitating, I looked up and stared him directly in the eyes. “You're sworn to secrecy or some shit, right? You can't tell anyone what I say, not even my mom?”

He looked a little stunned, but answered anyway. “Y-yes, I am. It was part of my oath, I guess you could say. If I told anyone then it would be a breach of confidentiality…”

“Great.” I adjusted myself and folded my hands anxiously.

“Ben is dead.”

The doctor raised his eyebrows and seemed to instinctively touch his pen to the paper, but then stopped himself. There really was nothing he had to say, apparently. He slowly nodded for me to go on.

“He’s a ghost. He is in my house. He’s  _been_  in my house for months and he’s killed two people while he was there. Three weeks ago was Meghan, and then some other girl I didn’t know that well. I-I don’t know why he killed  _Meghan_ , though. There was no reason. It was probably my fault, actually.

“Before she died, I gave her this…thing, with Ben trapped inside because I couldn’t take it anymore. Before, he told me that he wanted to be free, and to spread, but I couldn’t figure out how to help him. He never rushed me all that much, but sometimes he just seemed really scared, and desperate, and I felt so bad that I just…gave him away. I didn’t even tell him.”

I swallowed and paused.

“And then he killed her. He said something like, ‘she was selfish, and she lied, and she only hurt herself,’ or some weird pretentious shit like that. I mean, she did go back on what she said she’d do with the ca—uh, the thing. But that was because she realized why I gave it to her. Before Ben revealed himself, she said that she would take the thing back to me. And then she realized.

“But then he killed her. So I don’t talk to him now.”

Dr. Bryant sat still for a second.  _Oh. I broke him._

After a moment, he took a deep breath and seemed to collect himself.

“…now, I hope you know that whatever I say, you really should try to not take it personally.”

I quickly shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I know it sounds weird. You…probably think I’m crazy.”

“Crazy, or, you just have a different way of viewing your situation. There might be a ghost. I would really never know. But I do believe I have a reason as to why, uh, ‘Ben’ may act the way he does.”

My head snapped up, and I raised an eyebrow. “No offense, but he’s…kinda psychotic. I don’t really think he  _has_  a reason for what he does.”

“Maybe not a logical reason. But he has emotions, correct?”

Narrowing my eyes, I nodded.  _The bastard was a little too happy whenever someone died._

“So, maybe just put yourself in his shoes. Maybe you’ve already done this, but really think about what he’s experiencing right now. You said there was this…thing that contains him. And that you didn’t tell him that you were placing him in someone else’s custody. Correct?”

I nodded again, placing my head in my hands.

“I’d say that if he was with you for a…considerable amount of time, then suddenly waking up to find that you’re no longer in the possession of whoever you thought was going to be there…that must be at least a little worrying. And if you two  _really_  talked about setting him free, or spreading him, or whatever was the case, then, I’d understand if he felt a little betrayed.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Well, I know that. I’d be mad at me too; but why did he have to kill an innocent person like that? He had the power to come back to me. He could have just…left. But…” I exhaled and rubbed my forehead.

The doctor furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “Well…assuming that he quickly found out  _why_  you gave him to your friend in the first place…he might have assumed that his odds of safety were better if he cut off some split ends.”

I looked up at him, confused.

“I-I’ll explain it better. So, Ben’s end goal is freedom, right? And so far, it seems to me that he feels like you’re his only ticket. So to avoid being brought back to square one, he sets up a couple…roadblocks.” He swallowed, and gave me an apologetic look. “Those roadblocks being, cutting off contact with people you trust. People you might pass your burden onto. People you might pass  _him_  onto.

“Imagine you’re in his place. You’ve been circulating, I guess you could say, for a long time. You fall into the hands of someone who just  _gets_  you. They understand what you’ve been through, and they want to help.” He gave me a sad little smile as he said that.

“After a little bit, after you don’t really suspect anything being wrong, you suddenly wake up again to find that someone else is in their place. Maybe it’s even in a different house. Either way, you soon realize that your previous owner gave you to one of their acquaintances because they felt like you were a weight on their shoulders. Sure, you could just stay with the new person and try to get  _them_  to help you, like you’ve done for a long time…

“But whoever had you before that had helped you far more than anybody ever did. Or  _would_. And you don’t know anything about this new person. The best option, specifically for your well-being, would be to go back. But…with some assurances this time. You dispose of the new person, to ensure that you don’t get given away again. One less person your owner trusts is one less risk to your freedom.”

* * *

“Oh. You’re…raising your hand? To say the answer, Avery?”

I gave my math teacher an apologetic look, mixed with a whole lot of embarrassment. “I just needed to get some water…sorry.”

Ms. Henderson’s face went from pleasantly surprised to slightly disappointed at that. “Well, could you at least give us an answer before you leave?”

“ _X_  doesn’t exist, I think.”

“That’s…correct, actually. Thank you.”

Before she could potentially say anything else, I snatched the hall pass from a side shelf and booked it out the door. My chest, throat—pretty much  _everything_  was killing me and I desperately needed to clear my head. I made for a nearby flight of stairs, which was thankfully empty. A perfect space for talking to myself like a psycho, or having a debilitating panic attack.

I stopped at a wider platform between the 2nd and 3rd floors and leaned against the wall, pressing a hand to my forehead. I felt a strange suffocating sensation in my chest, like it was screaming at me to take my binder off. I grit my teeth and tried to steady my breathing.

_At least I don't have to deal with that little bastard right now_.

I took a deep, shaky breath and mentally navigated the building to find the nearest working water fountain. Then something…gurgled.

Yeah.  _Gurgled_.

I felt icy liquid rising in my throat, and my eyes widened. I couldn't do anything to stop it, and I threw up water all over the stairway. Before I could process what the actual fuck just happened, I heard an echoey, snarky, and terrifyingly familiar voice in my head.

**Problem solved.**

I gaped and then glared at thin air, wiping my chin. “Cool. Yeah. Real mature. Thanks a lot. What do you want  _now?_ ”

**To talk. You’ve been awfully quiet lately, and I can’t help but think it has something to do with me.**

“Yeah, no shit! You’ve just proved yourself to be a murderous lunatic with a grudge against human decency, do you think I want to be around  _you_  right now?”

**If you’re taking that Meghan girl’s death personally, that’s your problem. I have plans. And I’m hopeless without your help.**

“Then stay that way,” I hissed, my gaze flickering around the hall. “If you think I’m in the mood to talk to you about this, you can go back home and never come here again.”

He seemed to hesitate for a little bit, then let out a small huff of annoyance.

**Have it your way. Hope you like sitting alone at lunch today, dear.**

Something cold seemed to rush through me, and a buzzing sound that I didn’t even know was echoing in my ears faded away.


	27. Chapter 27

**“Feel like talking to me yet, Valentin?”**

I walked back into my bedroom, phone in hand, extremely _not_ in the mood for whatever manipulative banter Ben was going to try on me this time. “Go away, Ben,” I muttered, collapsing onto my bed and scrolling through iTunes for some temporary distraction.

**“I don’t think I will. You see, we haven’t—”**

Surprisingly, he cut off when I whirled my head around and sat up, reaching my limit. I gave him my deadliest of glares and curled my hands into fists.

“Fuck _off,_ Ben. I’m not talking to you.”

Those words seemed to cut through him, and something glittered in his eyes.

**“…excuse me?”**

“You heard exactly what I said. Now, why don’t you take my advice for once? Might make you a little less bored.”

I looked back to my phone, which turned out to be a mistake, because suddenly Ben’s angry face was blocking my “relaxing songs” playlist.

**“I’m sorry, but you seem to have forgotten that I’m your only friend at this point. Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life?”**

I laughed in his (kind of) face. “You are _hardly_ my friend, you know. Alone would be so much better than you following me around all the time, trying to fuck with my brain and get me to forgive you for _killing_ people!”

**“…wow. That was kind of hot, have I actually never seen you this mad before?”**

“Oh, _grow up!”_ I nearly yelled, my face turning red.

**“Have a little** **_pity_ ** **, dear. It’s not that often you have this much time to yourself. Why not appreciate what you’ve got? Why not…try talking this out?”**

_That_ caught me off guard. “…what?”

**“I’m not stupid, Avery. I know you’ve been seeing that…whatever his name is. I know you’ve been talking about me, and what I’ve done, and how you’re** **_so_ ** **trapped and** **_so_ ** **lonely in that little pretty head of yours. What if you tried understanding** **_me._ ** **Eh?”**

I…couldn’t refute that. It was my fault I’d been blocking him out all this time instead of trying to come to terms with what had been happening lately. But he didn’t have to be an asshole about it. He had a point, and yet something about this felt wrong.

_It’s not really him,_ I reminded myself. _You can’t reason with some malevolent virus who’s taken over your best friend. It won’t be him you’re talking to._

**“Oh, to-may-to, to-mah-to. You think I’d insult your IQ like that? I believe I’ve made it very clear that—”**

“Fine.”

**“Excuse me?”**

“I’ll talk to you. I’ll try to… _reason_ with this version of Ben that, frankly, I like _way less_ than my actual Ben. Happy?”

A good second passed after I said that before my phone went back to normal and your classic, green-tunic-clad, hollow-bleeding-eyes Ben Drowned peered at me over it, something resembling a smirk on his face.

**“Very much so.”**

I nearly shivered. _Manipulative, indeed._

**“You flatter me.”**

* * *

  **“So, what were you thinking of** **_discussing_ ** **, babe?”**

“Really prefer it if you didn’t call me that.”

**“Why? Aren’t we a thing? Or are a couple of corpses dealbreakers for you?”**

“I think you know exactly what the answer to that is,” I nearly growled, not enjoying where this conversation was headed. I sighed. “Look. I want to try to work things out. I really do. But I can’t be as patient as you want when you act like this! Can’t you just try to be serious, for one minute?”

Ben groaned and threw his head back. **“** **_Ugh_ ** **. Fine, fine. I’ll play your little game. Just make this quick.”**

“Thank you. I’d like to first ask…why did you kill them? You explained one to me before, but that’s not really a reason. From what I can tell, they didn’t really do anything to deserve it.”

He scoffed. **“Easy. Whether you realized it or not, they were hurting you. That Meghan girl…she was just going to keep me for herself, after we’d made all that progress! She was trying to keep me away from you. Had to go.”**

As fucked-up and completely inaccurate that was, I forced myself to swallow an insult. “…and Charissa?”

**“Oh. Oh! That** **_bitch_ ** **that kept calling you names and talking shit behind your back.”** Ben giggled and leaned back smugly. **“Aw, she was so much fun. It was like teaching a dog how to put itself down and write its own will! I** **_thought_ ** **she’d try and fight it but I guess she was so scared she just…did it herself, without question. Hilarious.”**

_Ha, ha, you little fucking maniac!_

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. “That…wasn’t an answer. I asked you _why._ ”

**“Oh. Well, that’s a no-brainer too. She was just really shitty to you in general from the beginning. I mean…you complained to me yourself about her! I was on a roll. Was also gonna try killing that weird Jason guy, but I couldn’t find his house, and when I did, he was off at church or something. Kid’s never in a convenient place,”** he grumbled to himself, and I sent a silent prayer to whatever gods I could think of that he would, indeed, continue to never be in any convenient places.

“Alright. Fine. I’ll take that.” I closed my eyes and folded my hands. “But I still think you’re wrong.”

**“…what?”**

“I don’t think that’s _why_ you killed them. It might be what you first think to tell me. Hell, it’s probably what you keep telling yourself. But it’s not true.”

Ben stayed silent, only narrowing his eyes at me as if to see whether what I was about to say was worth listening to.

“… _that guy_ , whatever you called him, told me something interesting about what you did. He didn’t mention Charissa, probably because I never really talked about her. But he said that you don’t have many logical reasons to do things. You have emotions. And that’s what you’re acting on right now.”

**“I don’t see what that has to do with anything. I literally just** **_gave_ ** **you the facts of the situation and now you’re throwing them away?”**

“No. I’m giving you better ones. Ben, you’re scared of being reset, and that’s why you do most of the things you do, even when you’re not like…this. It’s why you decided to pour your heart out to me within a week of being here. It’s why you tried what I suggested to get you out, even though you thought it wouldn’t work. It’s why we were able to bond so quickly. And it’s why you killed Meghan and Charissa.

“First, you thought you could just go back to me when I gave you away and everything would go back to normal. Then you tried to get me back on your side by killing someone you knew I hated, someone that you could justify dead by saying that she hurt me. And she did. But she didn’t deserve to die over it.”

There was a pause. Then he laughed.

**“No. No, that’s** **_not_ ** **right. You just—”**

“It is right, whether you like it or not. Look, I’m just trying to help, and you not even _trying_ to revert back to the real you isn’t making anything better.”

**“No.”**

“Wh—what do you _mean_ , no? Are you just going to ignore me now?”

**“No, Ave, you don’t understand, I—** **_ow!”_ **

_What?_

I lifted a hand, hesitant to actually reach out to him. “What’s going on?”

**“Christ, are you serious? I haven’t—”**

He stopped dead, and looked at his index finger like he’d just realized something. I shifted over to see what’d happened, when I noticed that a tiny patch of skin on the tip of the finger looked like…skin. It was only now that I’d noticed that for a while now, Ben’s skin had gone more gray than usual. “What…?”

**“…no.”**

He sounded horrified, like he knew something was going to take place that he could do nothing to stop.

His arm started to change, too.

The his shoulder, then up his neck, his entire being was almost fading and being replaced with something else.

**“S-stop it!”**

His face contorted, like he was fighting with himself, and I couldn’t do much but watch as he started to look more and more human.

His face changed last, and his loud, demonic voice faded.

**“No, no no no no no** **_no no no no_ ** _no no no no NO!”_

“Ben?”

He was almost in tears, trying desperately to hide his face. But I could still see his vermillion eyes.

“No, no, no, I never meant for this to happen. I-I didn’t mean to _hurt_ anyone, I don’t want to do this anymore!”

_He’s…he’s coming back._

“Don’t look at me. Avery, _please_ don’t look at me, I know you’re mad, I know it, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to—”

Before he could say anything I crushed him in a hug and felt tears welling up in my eyes, too.

“Ben. You’re back,” was all I could manage. He was silent for a minute, and I felt what I assumed to be blood dripping down my back. If he wasn’t crying before, he was now.

“Why…why are you doing this. What did _I_ do?” He whispered, slowly hugging me back and burying his face into my shoulder. “Whatever it was, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t _mean_ to…”

He froze, then lifted his head the tiniest bit.

“Oh…oh, no, did I—”

“You killed Meghan, Ben.” I swallowed, not wanting him to know, but painfully aware that I had to tell him at some point. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s done. Everything’s…”

I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him off of me, but still held on. “Everything’s not okay, actually. But you’re _here._ That…that _thing_ is gone, and that’s what matters.”

“I…really?” He hesitated, as if unsure what he was hearing. “What even happened? Why did I…what made me so mad that I just went insane?”

“It’s my fault. It’s completely my fault. I…” I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes, so I just hugged him again.

“I gave you away, Ben. I just gave you to someone else because I thought I was a shitty person for just keeping you here. I thought she could help, but then you realized what I did and then you killed her and then Charissa too. I thought you’d never come back, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, what I did to you was so horrible. I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around me in reciprocation and fell silent again for a moment.

“…I must have been really shitty to you as… _him_. Did I hurt you that much?”

“No, no, you didn’t. Surprisingly. I think I’m the person you probably hurt the least in all of this. I don’t know why, but it was almost like you refused to believe for a long time after that _I_ was the one to blame. You just found a way to pin it all on someone else.”

“That…god. That’s almost worse. No offense.”

“None taken, it was really fucked up.” I gave a half-assed chuckle and sniffed, holding him tighter and kissing his neck.

“I just…can’t believe you’re back.”


	28. Chapter 28

I still met with Dr. Bryant every week after that. He asked me how things were going since, and whether I’d tried talking to Ben about why he acted the way he did. I said we’d worked some things out. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that what we really did was delay the problem; that other Ben could come back. He could still get angry for whatever reason, and lash out again. I wasn’t entirely sure if I even told the doctor there  _ was _ this other Ben. The most I could do was try not to convolute things.

A couple of days later, my phone had started buzzing with spam messages from different numbers all over the place. Sometimes they made sense; not like I knew what they were talking about, but they were comprehensible sentences and words. Others were…confusing. Like someone slept on their keyboard while it was still on, and just hit send without thinking. I tried asking Ben multiple times if he knew who was sending these things, but whenever I needed to reach him he was never around. For a while I thought that occasionally, he’d switch back and forth between the real him and BEN and send me nonsensical shit from random numbers that weren’t attached to an actual phone. I never got a solid answer, though. I ended up ignoring these messages, especially the ones that were somewhat threatening. I knew that if the most he could do to scare me was  _ text, _ then he wouldn’t be that dangerous right now.

Not that Ben was never around, because he was. A lot more than usual, actually. I’m pretty sure finding out that his other side killed two people and drove me to getting therapy scared him into never leaving the house again. Now I was starting to feel bad for even suggesting that any of this was his fault; I was the one who straight-up abandoned him. He had every right to be angry. But I also started wondering if he could even control that demon. It didn’t seem like he tried fighting it, but then again, I wasn’t around when it came out. I’d just kind of witnessed it happen afterward, and through a camera nonetheless. So how could I possibly know what happens when it takes over?

Once, I caught him hugging his knees to his chest on my bed with no intention of moving. I sighed and sat down next to him, asking him what was wrong, idiot boy.

“Ha. Um, not that much. You don’t have to worry.”

“Like hell that’ll work. Come on, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“…it’s just that…you know. I don’t know what’s been happening to me lately. I mean, there’s the obvious, but other than that, I just feel so off. Like something bad going to happen, and I won’t remember it, and it’ll be because of  _ me _ somehow.”

“Ben, don’t say that. If anything, this has all been my fault. You’ve been blacking out more, haven’t you?”

He lifted his head. “How did you know?”

“I’ve been getting weird messages on my phone for almost two weeks. I’m pretty sure they’re all from you. Or, well…the other you.”

He paused for a second, then buried his face again. “God. I-I’m sorry, Ave.”

“It’s really fine. They don’t even say that much, it’s just key-smashes most of the time.”

“Still. What if I said something really awful to you? Why is this even happening?”

“Hey.” I shifted closer and wrapped an arm around him, resting my head on his. “It’s gonna be okay. Everything’s been going pretty smoothly, I’ve been seeing that doctor guy…hell, I’ve got at least one other friend at school. If I can pull my life together like that, then you can definitely get back to normal.”

“You really don’t know my normal, Avery. But…thanks.”

For some reason, I suddenly remembered walking by the abandoned church with Jason, and some things started making sense.

“…do you think, maybe, if you get more answers…then you’ll finally be at peace with all this?”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. Some part of me keeps saying that I know all there is  _ to  _ know about what happened to me. But I feel like somethings missing, and I just can’t figure out what.”

I hesitated to respond. But what else could I do?

“I think…well, I think I know someplace where you can find what you’re looking for.”

He lifted his head, eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. “I may or may not have some ideas about where the Moon Children’s base is…in this town.”

Ben sat up, looking almost scandalized. He opened his mouth multiple times to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. Finally, he breathed out through his nose. “I don’t think I need to tell you that going there would be an extremely bad idea.”

“I know it’s risky, but they have to have their reasons, right?”

“Of course, and those reasons are that they’re all nutcases with a boner for some made-up moon goddess!” He sighed. “God, it should  _ not _ feel this good to finally say it out loud. Have I really never called it like it is like that before?”

“I mean…I really can’t argue with that.”

“…but?”

“But maybe there’s even more to it than that. Either way, wouldn’t it be fun to crash a base? They might not even be there.”

“I-I don’t know, Ave. Given what just happened, do you really think this is a good idea? I’m as unstable as ever, if something else happens then  _ it _ might come back.”

“You’ll be fine. I have to do this for you. At least.”

“…what?”

“I’ve been trying to help the situation by steering you away from the things that hurt you, but it’s only made everything worse so far. You need to come to terms with all this, and I think the base is how.”

He hesitated. Finally, he sighed in defeat. “Fine. I’ll…I’ll come with you. We can crash the Moon Children base. Just to get this over with. But if anything happens while we’re there…that’s on you.”

I suddenly had Meghan’s voice playing on repeat in my head.

_ “If something weird happens, and my computer starts acting up, that’s on you.” _

I closed my eyes and stood up. “Yeah. I know. Come on.”


	29. Chapter 29

I’d felt weird about that church since the first time I saw it, but now I was certain this was where the followers of Luna had been hiding all this time.  _ Ben’s story never really gave that much of a location, did it? All that could have happened to me. _

It was about 2:00 in the morning when we left. A Friday night. I wouldn’t miss anything if I came back home and didn’t wake up until noon. The moon was full, and shining with was you could call  _ glory. _ But I was starting to get sick of it. Besides, light pollution meant that I could still see in the dark, moon or not.

I had stuffed Ben’s cartridge in my coat pocket along with my phone, just in case something happened or it got too dark and I needed a flashlight. Ben stayed close by; he refused to possess me again, so we figured him latching onto my arm and letting me lead him along would be the next best thing.

After lots of accidentally veering off path, awkward silence, broken branches and various “oops’s” and “sorry’s”, we finally reached the building, in all its rotting beauty. Its white paint was so peeled off it was hard to tell what color it was even supposed to be, various planks were replaced and moss was  _ everywhere _ . It looked like just the abandoned, old thing any kid would want to explore.

I didn’t bother knocking on the door, and instead shook the handle lightly enough to judge if it would open, but not make too much noise. I noticed there was a small, lone window a few feet above the entrance, like one on someone’s house. But it didn’t feel like it belonged to a church; hell, it even had curtains that had been closed. No light seemed to come from anywhere within.

I opened one of the doors and stepped inside.

“What…”

I couldn’t exactly believe what I was seeing. It was…constructed just like a regular house. Instead of a grand, candle-lit hall with a stained glass depiction of some Christian figure looking down on us from the back, we were met with an empty parlor with—you guessed it—nearly no sources of light, and made completely out of wood to boot. Right above the door we just came through was the ceiling; if I reached high enough I could touch it from where I was standing. Something was definitely off about it. I could almost hear Jason talking again:  _ “I think they just don’t wanna ask for the money to renovate it.” _

I took a single step forward and immediately a floorboard creaked. Loudly. The entirety of the house seemed to almost become more still and tense, like somebody knew I was here.

_ “I’d ask you to stop by, but we haven’t had a new attendant in so long it’d be kind of awkward.” _

To my left, a single tiny ceramic statue sat on a shelf right by my head. I could only guess it was supposed to resemble what the Moon Children called “Luna” but then again, it looked too generic to possibly be anything else. I almost called into the darkness, just to make sure nobody was here right now, but stopped myself. I could practically feel Ben shaking behind me.

“Ave,” he whispered, “I still think this is a bad idea, if you can believe it. C-can’t you just go here by yourself, another time?”

“No. I can’t trust your other side to be left alone at my house, let alone—”

_ “Hello?” _

I stopped dead. The voice was so small and soft that for a moment I thought it was inside my head, but I looked to the stairs about five feet ahead of me and had a new guess. Without thinking I clenched my hands into fists and started forward again. Ben didn’t try to stop me, simply letting himself be dragged along by the cartridge’s distance limits. I raised an eyebrow.

“Can’t you just…hide inside the game?”

His eyes seemed to light up as he nodded in realization, and just like that I was practically alone.

_ Well, at least he’s more comfortable. _

I started up the stairs, wincing as each of them creaked impossibly loud. As I got closer to where I thought I’d heard the voice, I began also hearing rushed whispers and anxious muttering just outside earshot. It was like somebody was planning a surprise party, or “Andy’s coming.”

At the top of the steps, I spotted a single door at the end of a short hallway. How closed off the space was just made everything that much more eerie, and I was suddenly reminded that this was a secret and most likely  _ illegal  _ cult I was dealing with. I shut my eyes and quietly rapped on the wood of the door with my knuckles, waiting for some kind of response. Anything that would make these people seem the slightest bit normal.

_ “…we’re not waiting for anyone, are we?” _

_ “No, I don’t think so. Did you lock the door?” _

_ “I wasn’t supposed to lock the door. Keisha was.” _

_ “I wasn’t supposed to do it either. Isn’t Colin on door duty?” _

_ “You guys, shut up. What if it’s the kid?” _

The room seemed to go silent.

Then someone walked up to the door and knocked to “shave-and-a-haircut.”

I didn’t respond.

So they opened it.

* * *

Even though I could make out a faint light emanating in there from underneath the door, I wasn’t prepared for the full-blown warmth and happy atmosphere that met me when it opened. A round, sweet-looking lady was standing there with a pale yellow sundress on and a blue moonflower in her hair. She gave the impression of a grandma who’d greet a burglar with non-poisoned cookies and a glass of milk. Strangely, despite the circumstances, I couldn’t help but feel like she’d never hurt a fly.

“Uh…sorry to intrude, but—“

“Now, don’t you worry a bit. You just walked in on us having a little girls’ night,” she said, smiling down at me like I was some nervous kid who needed comforting. I tilted my head. “But isn’t there someone named Colin here?”

“Oh, you silly little thing, you.  _ Every _ night is girls’ night when our Lady is present!”

She stepped aside to let me in, and I didn’t hesitate as much as I’d expected in entering the room. There was unmistakable tension hanging in the air; I didn’t feel necessarily welcome at this time, but I couldn’t leave now.

Because not more than five seconds of gazing around passed before I spotted Jason in heated conversation with somebody else. And it wasn’t long before  _ he _ spotted me, too.

“Truth be told, we wouldn’t necessarily just let anyone into our meetings. Sensitive stuff. But you’re not _just_ anyone, are you, Avery Valentin?”

“Sister Irving…” Jason hissed from the corner, looking embarrassed as if his mom were showing baby pictures to his friends during a sleepover.

The lady didn’t seem deterred. She continued. “In fact, aren’t you the one who one of our members was looking to recruit? You go to the local high school, yes?”

_ Recruit? _

“You all…” I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I closed my eyes and tried again, looking to the person in question.

“Jason…what  _ is  _ this? What’s going on?”

“Oh, so you know him as well! Well, that’s just  _ perfect _ , isn’t it,” Sister Irving exclaimed, somewhat oblivious to how awkward this made everything, at best.

I heard Ben’s frantic voice in my head.

**Ave. This…this doesn’t look** **_anything_ ** **like the house I’d visit every week. I don’t think this is even near my hometown.**

Irving kept going on about some of her spiritual, low-key unsettling philosophies about life and how happy everyone must be to be finally gaining a new member,  _ right? _ I nodded along, pretending to listen as Ben continued.

**Who** **_are_ ** **these people? I don’t recognize any of them. Are…are there Moon Children all across the country now?**

Jason approached me while everybody talked, twiddling his thumbs.

“Uh…surprise?”

I gave him a withering look.

“Hey. I know this looks bad, but I…I can explain everything. You see, we—“

“I know,” I interrupted. “I know what you are, and what you do, and why you do it. Maybe if you…”

I trailed off as I realized that the whole room had gone quiet, and everybody was looking at us.

_ Oh. _

“…can we have a moment alone, please?”

“Are you serious?” asked one of the more gruff-looking members incredulously.

“ _ Of course _ you can,” Irving said, cutting them off before they could deny us privacy and giving them a stern,  _ respect our guest or I’ll cut your dick off _ look. I forced an appreciative smile and yanked Jason by the arm out of the room and down the stairs, closing the door behind me and leading him to a remote corner of the house.

“Alright. Just so we’re clear—“

“I didn’t think you’d find out this early! Why would you break into a church, anyway? Didn’t you say that you’re not religious?”

“I  _ thought  _ something weird was going on here, and I was right. You’re a Moon Child. You’ve been with them all along. And you were trying to  _ recruit _ me?”

“I’m…” For a second, he seemed guilty. Then he collected himself, and for once he didn’t look so meek. “I’m  _ not  _ sorry, actually. I just wanted to help you! I was going to try saving that other girl, space buns, before she…”

He paused at the shocked look on my face. I took the opportunity to give him a piece of my mind.

“You know your little cult kills people, right? Innocent people, who just happened to be weak enough to fall for their tricks…” I scoffed and let go of his arm, making for the door. “Tell your friends I’m done looking for answers. I’ve gotten all I needed just now.”

Just before I grabbed the doorknob, something pulled me backward.

_ “Don’t. Leave. Just. Yet.” _

For the first time, he spoke out loud around someone other than me. I felt a rush of annoyance at his sudden change of heart.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re hopping on board with all this  _ now? _ The moment I agree with you that it’d be a good idea to get out of here, you want to stay.”

“Who are you talking to? What was that noise?”

_ “I know, it’s a little late. But this may not have been such a bad idea after all.” _

“What do you mean? You  _ hate  _ these people, why all of a sudden—“

_ “I’m coming out. I just want to talk with them.” _

“I…don’t think you want to just  _ talk _ ,” I responded hesitantly, piecing together where he was going with this. But before I could do anything else, the cartridge fell out of my pocket and onto the floor, and I felt a sudden cold presence behind me.


	30. Chapter 30

 The first thing I heard after that was a click from upstairs; somebody must have locked the door again. That couldn’t have been good, but I had other things to worry about. Ben placed an icy hand on my shoulder and I flinched, still unsure of whether Jason could see him.

“So you’re the one who tried to _use_ my Avery.”

“Ben. It’s okay. And don’t say _my Avery_.”

“It’s not okay, though.”

Jason looked far more confused, and pointed behind me with narrowed eyes.

“Who…wait, do I know you? Are you the guy that—“

“I knew something like this would happen. I don’t know why I even bothered avoiding it. I need to put an end to all this.”

I turned around as soon as he said that, and saw that Ben’s fingertips were turning black and his eyes more red than before.

“What are you saying?”

He glanced at me with a twinge of regret. “I have to kill them. _All_ of them. It’s the only way to fix—“

_“What?_ No, no, no, _no._ Now is not the time to get fixated on killing again. Not these people.”

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s the only way.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? Didn’t…didn’t you _say_ it yourself?! You’ve gotten even enough with them! If what your story says is true, you’ve _already_ gotten rid of some of them! When are you going to be satisfied if you keep going?”

Ben hung his head, and I went to hug him when he looked up again, the corners of his mouth twitching and his eyes black.

**“Never.”**

_Fuck._

I stumbled, reaching back for Jason’s arm so I could help him get away if I needed to. But when I turned around, unsuccessful, I found him hunched and shaking against the wall, still pointing at Ben but now like he was some monster. To his credit, he might as well have been at this point.

“No. Y-you…you’re the kid that…Avery, _that’s_ your—?”

**“Shut your mouth, Moon Child. I never want to hear** **_your kind_ ** **speak again.”**

“Ben! Don’t you see what’s happening?” I tried keeping his attention for as long as I could. “You’re losing control again. You’re…probably already gone, if I’m being honest. But you can’t do this.”

**“I’m not sure how I could have tolerated it for this long. They’ve been** **_this_ ** **close to where I’ve been living for all this time…how didn’t I see it?”**

“Ben, I think it’s time to go home. If you would just take a breath and look at me…”

**“I don’t** **_want_ ** **to go home. You really don’t get it, do you, Avery? Do you think I can just leave this place, knowing it’s still intact, that there’s people still** **_alive_ ** **in here?!”**

“Yes! I do! Look, I don’t know who started this whole mess, but I do know that Jason’s been tricked into joining it. I know that there’s others who have all been cheated, and I know you’re one of them, and I know that you’re angry. But isn’t this what you’re afraid of? Being set back at square one? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all this, it’s that.”

Ben just floated, his outline growing fuzzy, his expression becoming more and more outraged.

“And killing isn’t going to help you anymore. I don’t think it’s helped you in the first place. It just made you more angry and bloodthirsty, and I’m sick of this. You need to come back, Ben—”

**“Are you done?”**

I stopped. _Excuse me?_

**“Because I feel like this is going to go on for some time, and I was really looking forward to destroying this building and everyone inside of it.”**

Without another word, Ben’s entire being glowed and I felt the floor shaking underneath my feet. It was as if the entire structure was about to be undone; just deconstructed like _that_.

_No, no. That’s impossible. He can’t just break down a whole building with his mind…can he?_

I turned back to Jason, to make sure he hadn’t ran away, and to my surprise he hadn’t. He was still stuck there, still pointing, still in disbelief.

“You’re the one they told me—”

He was cut off by a loud rumbling sound coming from inside the walls. When I looked at Ben again, he was holding his head and glitching violently, almost like he was about to die.

_“St_ **_op it!_ ** _Get out! Get_ **_out of my head!”_ **

_He’s trying to fight back._

I wanted more than anything to help him, but I couldn’t think of anything that would. Instead, I stepped back, unable to do anything but watch as wooden planks started falling from the ceiling. Beams holding the place up began to shake, and I was certain the building would collapse soon. I could hear shuffling and yells from the upper level, as people started trying to escape.

But the door was locked.

_It’s going to come down with everyone inside._

I started breathing heavily, not sure what to do or where to go. I’d never be able to save everyone up there; even if I tried, Ben would probably find a way to stop me. The only thing I could do was grab Jason and get out of there. Somehow, right now Ben was distracted enough so that he couldn’t hear the door to the church opening as I bolted outside with the Moon Child in tow, eventually letting go once we got far away enough.

I couldn’t look as the base started to collapse with the rest of them stuck inside.

* * *

Jason shuffled along in dismay after me, searching desperately for something to cling to. It seemed to him that my arm would do, apparently. He was beyond shaken as he stared at the collapsing house. In a strange way, I understood why.

_I should have listened._

“Oh, god. Oh, Luna, my everlasting _queen!”_ He muttered, choking up. “What do we do? Where am I supposed to go every full moon at 2:00 sharp _now?”_  I got the feeling he still wasn’t exactly talking to me; “we” clearly wasn’t referring to Avery and Jason. I sighed.

“We have to go. Who knows how long that’ll keep him entertained for?”

When he didn’t move, I groaned and pulled him along by the arm and started marching back home.

_Home…_

“Precisely how much do your parents know about _this?”_

“My parents co-founded the Children.”

“Right,” I sighed again, reaching my limit with all this cult shit for the fifth time this year. “Yeah. Okay, you’re not going home tonight. Something tells me that wouldn’t be the best idea. Follow me.”

I really had no reason to say that, as I was already dragging him pretty abrasively to god-knows-where. _I_ didn’t even have a good idea of where I was supposed to take this poor guy. Everything he’d known for a solid chunk of his life was now in a wreck on the ground, Ben could find us no matter where we went, and he didn’t even have a safe home.

_Unless we didn’t hide together._

“Alright,” I whispered to myself, my brain working itself to the brink of insanity. “239…Flores residence…empty room…supervision…”

“Flores? You mean that girl who your boyfriend—well, _whatever_ —killed last month?”

I almost stopped dead in my tracks, but kept walking. We didn’t have time to lose. “How do you know about _that?”_

“It was in the paper.”

“No, I mean the part about Ben. How did you know he killed Meghan?”

“W-well, it was really obvious. Telling you now, you did kind of a shit job washing the blood off your hands next day. Knew it couldn’t have been _you_ who did it, so it must’ve been that ghost you hang around all the time. My family’s filled me in on everything that went down in 2010. But I never expected him to…”

I struggled to take all this in. It was too much. Jason, former creepy, intrusive kid who sat next to me in 11th grade Chemistry, knew nearly everything about Ben and what he’d done in these past few months—apparently, not only because of his mentally deranged parents, but also because he payed a little too much attention to me and my situation. That kind of made me realize, he was forced into this even more than Ben, probably for an even longer amount of time. Were they going to kill him eventually? Was he too important? Would he be favored because he’s the co-founders’ son?

And would being favored, for him, mean life or death?

“…thank you for your feedback. Anyway, we’re going to her house. It’s not that far from mine. It’ll be safer than the both of us hiding in the same place. I’m pretty sure her mom wouldn’t object to stowing you away there.”

Jason stayed silent for a moment. “Avery…I love you.”

“Cool. Thanks. Tell me about it later,” I responded through gritted teeth. I did _not_ have the time to get hung up over that shit again.

We arrived at the Flores’ house and I knocked rapidly on the door. Something about the silence that now hung in the air told me nothing good was coming our way soon. A frail-looking, confused man answered the door after a solid minute and looked expectantly at us, bags under his eyes and pajamas still on.

“…yes?”

I held Jason’s arm up like he was some sort of prisoner, or thing for sale. “You know this kid, Jason? Goes to your daughter’s school. In a little bit of trouble right now.”

Mr. Flores faltered then squinted like he was trying to remember if he knew me or not. “Are…are you Avery? Meg told us a lot about some—”

“Sure. Yeah. I’m Avery. Can you just…” I hoisted a still emotionally damaged Jason up and nearly shoved him forward into the house. “Can you just take care of this for me? Can’t take him back to my house, can’t take him back to his own. Parents are kind of psycho. Just…watch over him for a couple days? It’ll be your Meghan 2.0.” Despite his shocked expression, I continued. “Taking that as an, ‘I’ll try my best.’ If _anything_ happens at all—I’m talking like if a vase moves by itself, your TV turns on, weird ringing in your ear—then do _not_ call me.”

“I don’t even have your phone number,” he pointed out, looking just a tad bit annoyed at the situation.

“Good! Then we should be fine. I’ll be going now. If the neighborhood seems fine for at least a week after I’m dead, then you did your job. Bye.”

I stalked away back to my house, trying to ignore the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. _At least that’s taken care of._

As I reached the front door, it started to rain the tiniest bit. Once I stepped inside, almost by magic or just insane luck it turned to a full-scale shower, and the back of my jacket just barely avoided getting soaked. I couldn’t help but keep thinking about what would happen to Jason if Mr. Flores just gave him up to save his own life—or worse, actually tried to protect him from Ben should they be found. I shook the idea off. _That’ll just make things worse. I can’t think about where he is; what if_ he’s _nearby and can hear my thoughts?_

I quietly walked upstairs, somewhat comforted by the silence of the house. There was no static, no buzzing, no echoes except for my shoes on the staircase. I just heard the downpour outside and wood creaking as I searched my room as slowly and normally as I could.

_I’m so freaked out, I’ve actually ran out of fucks to give._

What I neglected to check for a solid five minutes was my front coat pocket, where I’d placed the cartridge in the first place. I managed to laugh a little, then took it out to examine it before going down to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.

“What should I do about you…?” I muttered to myself, narrowing my eyes at the space on the game where the label would’ve been. After a while, I sighed.

_There’s no use. I keep just doing these awful things, and one way or another it just ends up hurting someone. I gave Ben away, and he killed. I dragged him to a place he should never have come back to, and now it’s destroyed. Tons of would-be innocent people, people who were lied to and tricked…just gone._

I looked up and out the window, watching plants getting almost attacked by the rain.

“I’ve been horrible.”

**“That you have been,** **_traitor.”_ **

I nearly fell out of my seat when I heard his voice behind me. Strangely, he wasn’t floating. He was just standing, but he still loomed over me. His eyes were empty now, and the blood leaking from them was completely black.

**“I’d stick around to chat, maybe break a few bones, you know the drill. But I’ve got something to catch. Specifically, that little Luna-tainted** **_shit_ ** **you’ve stowed away somewhere.”** Ben looked monstrous, to say the least. His hands were more like claws, with broken steel shackles hanging from his wrists. He had some horrible, twisted grin plastered onto his face, fangs in place of teeth and a face gone completely grey. He was the Ben Drowned I knew from videos, from descriptions and fanart, from my imagination before I knew better.

But now I was starting to question whether “knowing better” was even the case at this point.

In spite of how terrified I should have been, I sighed.

“Ben…should I even bother now? This has happened before. It’s my fault, I know. But you need to try and come back—”

Before I could continue, he grabbed my throat and slowly lifted me off the ground. His entire forearm was etched in black like someone had scribbled on it with sharpie. I frantically reached for my water that was still on the table, and without thinking dumped the glass onto the cartridge.

**“You—”**

Ben froze as if he’d been put on pause. I pried his fingers from my neck and gasped for air, grabbing the cartridge off the table as well as a raincoat and making my way outside as quickly as possible.

_Isn’t there a creek somewhere around here?_


	31. Chapter 31

I almost scratched my face trying to comb matted hair out of my eyes as I approached the creek. I couldn’t help but shiver as what seemed like a bucket of freezing water was dumped on my head from a nearby tree branch. My feet were already freezing, and I’d only walked about five minutes to reach this place. Shutting my eyes, I reached a shaky hand into my coat pocket and pulled the cartridge out.

It was time.

As I was about to drop it into the stream, I felt an icy hand grip my wrist and I yelped in shock, my eyes springing open. My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest and not in the good way. I felt a pounding in my ears, and my grip on the cartridge tightened. I didn’t move; I  _ couldn’t _ move.

I felt his gaze burning a hole in the back of my head as his voice reverberated in my mind.

**What are you doing.**

I gulped and closed my eyes again. Whatever was going to happen, I couldn’t look at his face.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to say, my voice cracking. My throat felt hoarse and dry.

**Are you? Because it does seem to me that you're just throwing me away again. Like I won't come back.** I heard a distinct chuckle behind me, and found the will to rip my hand from his.

“I'm done with this. I've thought it too many times and never actually did anything. But I can't let you just  _ do _ this anymore.” I rubbed my wrist and almost pocketed the cartridge. But then I stopped myself.

_ No. I'm in control. _

I slowly raised it in the air and turned around to face Ben, holding it in front of his face.

“I've tried stopping you before. Nothing's worked. And…it's my fault. I let you go too far. I pretended like I knew what was best for you. I…I pretended I could help you.” I sighed and stepped backwards into the river. The icy water licked at my ankles, and it took all my strength not to step out.

“I can't help you.”

An aggravated look grew on Ben's face, and he tried to wrench the game out of my hand.

When he came into contact with it, I heard a small spark and saw a faint circle of light surround the cartridge. He sharply withdrew his hand and ran a fingertip over his claws, looking outraged.

_ He can't touch it. It would kill him. _

He curled his hands into fists, and blood flooded even quicker from his eyes.

**“You dirty li—”**

“I'm dumping this in the river, Ben. I can't be bought anymore. If you apologize now, I'll still do it. If you try to kill me again, I'll do it.”

**“Y-you—”**

Ben seemed to stumble over his words. Finally, his face started to distort, and he swung both his hands at my neck.

I felt a sharp coldness as they passed right through.

_ He can't touch  _ me.

I saw his chest heaving desperately as he made wild, violent gestures towards me.

**“You—you don't know what you're doing. This won't fix anything in your sad little life. You** **_need_ ** **me. Don't do this, Av—”**

“It was nice knowing you.”

Grabbing a sharp stone, I dropped the cartridge into the water and dug the rock through its center.

Coincidentally, Ben looked like he had just been stabbed in the gut. His glowing irises turned to pinpricks in his hollow sockets, and his entire form was disfigured. Black liquid poured from his mouth and eyes.

…but he didn't disappear.

He looked terrible. He looked  _ dead. _ But he wouldn't go.

I bent to pick up the damaged game and examined it. It was completely demolished. There were sharp cracks in the plastic everywhere, and I could see bent metal poking out from the inside chip.

Gulping, I took it in my hands and snapped the thing in half, and immediately heard a painful ringing in my ears.

Ben became fuzzy. Twisted. Even more, if you could imagine. I heard him choke out,  **“I lo—”**

I blinked, and he was gone.

My eyes widened.  _ What? _

I looked wildly around. The river, currently being overflowed with water was screeching in my ears, and I could barely see through the blinding sheet of rain crossing my eyes.

But his buzzing was gone.

Ben was gone.

* * *

I thought after that I might follow in Alex’s footsteps and light the game on fire. Just to be safe. But I couldn’t find it in myself to do it. It was already destroyed enough. Nobody would be able to really do anything with it. What did I have to lose by just leaving it like that?

I silently closed the screen door to my house and leaned against it, heaving one final breath. It was finally over. I still couldn’t fully believe it. Ben was just gone from my life, and not in a weird, cop-out, “psych he found me again and swore revenge on my family” kind of way. It was oddly calming until I realized that I didn’t really have that much of a purpose anymore. If Ben truly was dead, for good, then he didn’t need anybody’s help now. And even if he wasn’t, he was bound to crawl back to somebody else and continue the cycle.

Helping him was all I had up until now. Just a couple months ago, I could have been called selfless. A hero, even.

But now I was nothing.

My mom passed the back door and saw me just standing there. Contrary to what I expected, she just gave me a sad look and walked away like I was a starving puppy on the street. I probably looked like one, to be fair.

I didn’t eat dinner that night, and I didn’t drink pure water for the next three days. I ended up sorting through all my clothes and putting everything space-related back into the box in the attic.

At school, I heard in the hallways people whispering about the town growing strangely quiet over the last couple of days. It was almost funny; all this time, I thought I was the only one who was aware of anything going on, being that it was more related to my life than anybody else’s. But it turns out, maybe other people heard the static too. Or really, its absence. I tried not to think about it too much.

Jason sat at my table during lunch that day, eyeing me strangely. He seemed to notice something was different.

“…you’re not wearing a hoodie today,” he started awkwardly, raising an eyebrow at me. I sighed and nodded. “Trying not to go down that road again. Those things are too fucking comfortable, if you ask me.”

He chuckled and rested his head in his hands. He seemed to hesitate, like what he said next could make or break his weird friendship with me.

“Hey…I’m glad you’re okay, Avery.”

That made me smile the tiniest bit. “Is Mr. Flores being nice to you?”

“Yeah. He keeps telling me to call him ‘Antonio,’ so that must be a good sign.” He started digging into his food. “I think you made the right choice.”

It took me a good, panicked second to realize he was still talking about Meghan’s dad and not Ben. “…Oh. Yeah. That.” I cleared my throat. “I…guess I think I made the right choice, too.” I fortunately got the feeling that whatever questions he had, he wouldn’t bring up Ben unless I wanted to talk about it, which made me feel a little better. But everything still seemed empty now. Like I’d slowly turned up the dial on my life all the way to 10 and then brought it back to 1 in the blink of an eye. It was off-putting.

“Listen…I’m sorry I got you mixed into my mess in the first place. I mean, obviously I didn’t know you…well…”

Jason nodded. “It’s fine. I’ve known the Children are pretty fucked-up for a long time now. I just didn’t wanna upset my parents, plus they seem like they really think they’re doing the right thing.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What? But you were so upset when the church was destroyed…didn’t you  _ literally _ say, ‘Luna, my everlasting queen’?”

“Just because I knew they were wrong to do some things doesn’t mean I didn’t believe what they told me. One day spent with Antonio, and he managed to get everything out of me.” He gave a weak laugh and rested his head in the palm on his hand. “I’m not sure how, but these last couple days…I really don’t want to believe all that anymore. It’s not good. They kill people. And I’ve been living with it ever since I was a kid. It’s really sad to just…be in the middle of it, and kind of know the truth at the same time.” He paused again. “…while we’re doing this…I’m sorry about everything with Ben. Neither of you deserved this. I don’t really know what had been happening before all the stuff with the base, but it must’ve been pretty bad.”

“Actually, everything was going fine. But then I made the stupid decision to just expose him to all that again, and then…” I sighed. “Yeah. Not that great.”

“Where is he now?”

Jason asked it so casually I was taken aback. Then I remembered that I was the only one who knew. I stayed silent before he realized.

“Did you…get rid of him?”

“For good this time. I kept making bad choices so that I could feel good about myself, but this is different. I just wanted a normal life back, and I wanted everyone to be safe. So I dumped the cartridge in the creek by here and broke it in half.”

“Hm.”

He seemed unfazed, and I looked up at him, unsure if he’d heard exactly what I said. Before I could say anything, he continued, looking like he was deep in thought.

“D’you tell me what happens when the game’s broken? Does he die again?”

“No, I didn’t, and no, he doesn’t. He just goes somewhere else. I don’t know how it happens but he just finds another game and lives there for a while. The same thing happened seven years ago.”

“Then are you sure it’s for good?”

That question got me. But then I remembered two things that would ensure Ben wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon.

“Because he loses his memory every time he’s reset. He couldn’t remember the name of the guy that made him famous for the life of him when we first met. Plus, he can’t remember anything when he goes batshit like last Friday. It’s like the real him blacks out, and that other BEN thing takes over. That’s something else I think he told me; BEN isn’t him. It only comes out when he feels like hurting people.”

Jason mulled over that for a minute. Then he took a deep breath.

“So that’s it. He’s really gone.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“N-no, I’m not. I mean…maybe a little. I just never really got the chance to apologize. Not that it’d do anything, but I feel like he should know I feel bad for everything my parents got mixed up in.”

In a weird way, I understood how he felt.

“Yeah. I get it. I kind of never got a chance to say goodbye to the real him, actually. He was so far gone, I just couldn’t.”

Strangely, after saying that I thought I would start to tear up. But I didn’t. All I could feel was guilt and relief.  _ How does that even happen? _

When I looked back up, Jason was smiling the tiniest bit. It was almost a sad smile, but it seemed more hopeful. “You know…I know he probably won’t, but however he  _ might _ come back…I have a feeling it’ll be better.”

He never did.


End file.
